Looking for love? Here are seven ways to meet your soulmate at Exeter Uni

Ready to meet the love of your life at Exeter Uni? Ditch the usual habit of being disappointed by guys at the club, and instead try your luck at attracting the one.

From voodoo, good vibes, and ritual sacrifice to coffee shops, good books, and the gym, there are a multitude of ways to summon your dream guy.

1. Avoid the clubs

Timepiece, Fever, Lemon Grove, and the Imperial are probably a safe bet for a fling or one time thing, but the Fresher’s Flu is likely to last longer than the relationship itself. Besides, you’re more likely to be struck down with a hangover than you are by Cupid’s arrow.

I’ve been a student here for long enough that I remember a time when Unit 1 was still a thing, so I think I’m old enough to provide some wisdom for undergrads: Would you rather waste your own time with yet another guy at the club, or branch out to other locations and find the one?

I promise that the latest guy you met at TP really isn’t that different from the others – next time, go out with the girls… and go home with them!

2. Talking of avoids, avoid the gym

Now, you might think that the perfect guy is just waiting for you to bump into him at the gym, but that is false. A meet cute of you needing help to set up a piece of equipment won’t make up for the general lack of hygiene, personality, and commitment you’ll find at the gym.

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Besides, those muscular guys are compensating for something… right? Of course, you might get lucky and find some well-meaning STEM student just trying to get into shape, but you run the risk of meeting a gym bro.

Avoid the gym, or risk eating boiled chicken and rice for the rest of your life, or else get your heart broken by some sports guy with a complex.

3. Lurk around the library trying to look mysterious

Now we’ve talked about what to avoid, grab yourself a chai or hot chocolate from Pret, but not a cappuccino or flat white… there’s absolutely nothing mysterious about coffee breath.

A tastefully curated stack of books to one side (which you’ll never open, let’s be honest) and your laptop to the other, you should do your best to look scholarly, dedicated, and mysterious. Hopefully, the perfect guy will stumble over and ask you if you’ve seen where they shelve Hardy.

And yes, this does mean that you will need to actually study and not browse Cider or Shein. Truthfully, has this ever worked? Well, probably not… but that doesn’t mean it’s not worth a shot, right?

4. Repeat number three, but at a cute coffee shop

If number three didn’t work, at least your grades are up. In the meantime, you can try to attract some romantic attention in a popular Exeter coffee shop.

Take a book you think will appeal to the perfect guy, perhaps Kafka on the Shore, in Search of Schrödinger’s Cat, or Norwegian Wood. You want to steer clear of looking stuffy by reading Dickens, and you want to avoid Austen because most guys know that they can’t live up to Mr Darcy, so why try?

Of course, the perfect guy will live up to your wildest Austen fantasies, but he’s probably humble enough to think that he can’t fulfil those expectations. Either way, don’t risk it. Do your best to look mystifying, and the perfect guy will (hopefully) walk on over.

6. Do a ritual cleanse

Burn some sage, cut up some photos of your ex, and delete Hinge, Bumble, Tinder… the lot. If the sage doesn’t work, perhaps call out a priest and have him dust some holy water around your student digs, or go to confession and confess your mortal sins.

I really don’t know what to say here, only that you should do your best to alleviate any bad karma that might be attracting these awful men. Turn to religion, or perhaps several.

But please, I beg of you, do not cut yourself a fringe or dye your hair at four in the morning. It won’t look any better; in fact, it will look worse.

Crash dieting isn’t worth it either – you’re perfect as you are, I promise… well, other than that awful energy.

7. Swear off men for good, and hope that attracts a good one

Most unfortunately, you’ve struck out, not struck gold. Well, better luck next time, rinse and repeat… and all that good stuff. In a final act of desperation, swear off guys for good, and hope the act attracts a good one.

At this point, your friends are sick to death of hearing you complain about your friend-with-benefits that’s caught feelings, the situationship that you keep going back to, or the fact that you can’t meet the right guy. And, truthfully, you’re sick to death of talking about it too.