Tears, tantrums and rapping at the altar: A brutal takedown of the first MAFS UK week of 2025

MAFS UK 2025 is back. Like, so back. And by so back I of course mean half the cast are coming across appalling and some of them are coming across quite nice. And by so back I mean we’ve had ridiculous antics at the altar which seems like the show hoping and praying for a viral moment. By so back, I mean that we’ve got a load of couples who have seemingly been paired up with the exact opposite thing they asked for at the behest of the ever cruel producers. Carnage looms in our future when these weddings and honeymoons will be but a distant hazy memory. The Channel 4 gods have given us five episodes a week this time around – one day up from all previous years. How are we coping? Barely. Here’s a week one rundown of MAFS UK 2025 as well all struggle to process what we’ve just witnessed.

A whistle stop verdict on every couple

It’s too early to say what we think, of course. But I will be damned if I don’t try.

Sarah and Dean: Sarah asked for something other than her usual type, got it and moaned. Not only moaned but was openly harsh to Dean – and as someone who’s been bigger I didn’t like the way she spoke about weight and I know how that would have made me feel. He is annoying I grant you, but let’s be a bigger person and give people a chance.

Grace and Ashley: Grace determined to find any fault possible with Ashley when she wouldn’t be looking for one if she fancied him on first looks. Clearly things are softening though which is a positive for all involved.

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Keye and Davide: Lots of instant chemistry but I fear Davide is less into it than Keye is.

Nelly and Steven: Gorgeous pair, great times for all involved.

Leah and Leigh: Leah truly one of the most beautiful souls to ever go onto MAFS UK and one of the highlights of the first week rundown of 2025. Love her and her vibes so much. Such a shame that Leigh seems determined to give everything a negative spin in the edit we’ve seen.

Joe and Maeve: Actually think they’re really well suited and I’m unsure why Joe thinks he is somehow better.

Divarni and Julia-Ruth: I am obsessed with Julia-Ruth and think she’s joy personified. I need them to work. Will be a pleasure for us all.

Bailey and Rebecca: Sort of like Joe and Maeve the re-up. And Dean and Sarah the re-up. Rebecca asked for an alpha masculine guy and she got it and is acting like she’s been tricked. Don’t get it!

Credit: Channel 4

The honeymoons this year are… a cut above

Remember the years when someone used to have to slump off to the Lake District for their honeymoons? A distant memory. The budget is budgeting this year because why is everyone trekking halfway across the globe. We also need to see the footage of the flights. Do they sit together? Do they make small talk? Much to discuss.

Another year, another bunch of iconic family members at weddings

In particular, shout out to Joe’s iconic mum and Leah’s nan who lowkey stole the whole show. Scouse nans are just something special.

Credit: Channel 4

The concept of someone telling someone else they’re not the height they literally are

I must unpick how I’d react if someone (Rebecca) told me (Bailey) that I’m not actually 6’4. When I literally am 6’4. I cannot comprehend that. I’d be like, erm? Shall we get a tape measure out my love?

The fact the weddings still aren’t done

Obviously Married at First Sight UK is all about weddings considering it can’t be called MAFS 2025 without those aforementioned weddings happening – but I hate them and need to declare as much in this rundown of week one. Sorry! I hate the long, drawn out episodes and I crave a dinner party.

Why are episodes running at nearly 2 hours? A feature length film! I don’t think it’s necessary, but I do think it’s going to be a good season with plenty to slag off – so that concludes the week one rundown of MAFS UK 2025. Here’s to more chaos.

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