Here’s a rating of every student’s favourite Nottingham club smoking area

With there being so many angles to judge the clubs of Notts, the smoking areas are sometimes overlooked as a factor. Hopefully, this list will provide an insight to those hoping to attend UoN or NTU in the future and perhaps provide some bittersweet nostalgia to those having already graduated.

For those of you who are still proud Nottingham residents, I hope that this ranking lives up to your expectations, however, if it doesn’t then I guess you’ll have to scout me out in these smoking areas to convince me otherwise!

7. Ink

I tried not to let my personal opinions of the actual clubs cloud my vision of the smoking areas… however it was hard to do so here.

I know that some people love Ink, but I don’t… and I most certainly do not like their smoking area. It’s shoved away in the corner, off the side of the pavement and right by the main road.

This isn’t where you go when you want to enjoy a cigarette and experience a sense of calm away from the sweaty bustle of the club. This one receives a -1/10 from me personally (sorry, but not really).

6. Unit 13

As a third year, Unit is not a club that I run to frequent on a night out (though it has improved since the addition of the new room). However, I do know and dislike their smoking area.

The trek up the stairs is probably the worst out of the bunch, as well as it being a tiny slither of a fenced off area with no protection from the rain. Therefore, I think it deserves a 2/10.

5. Ocean

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I’ll try and be positive first: at least this one isn’t on the side of the road. Also, it is decently sized and doesn’t require a trek up stairs to get there.

However, it’s always SO busy- why is that???

Maybe everyone wants to escape from the dance floor because they’ve actually clocked that the songs have already started repeating? I’m not sure. It’s a 4 from me.

4. The Cell

This is a decently sized smoking area, so it wins points for that.

It’s also always pretty lively with something interesting going on. The addition of the steps/ledge situation is also a positive if you need to take a pew.

Having said that, it always seems to be raining on a Thursday night, and Shapes has no cover for the smokers amongst us. You also have to make your way upstairs, which can be long.

I would say it’s worth it though, especially with how sweaty shapes gets. This one gets a generous 6/10 from me.

3. The Palais

It’s a good size; there’s a decent amount of cover and it’s in a quiet corner, out the back of the club. It was perfect back in the day tbh (RIP Pryzm).

The only thing is, I think it has a way to go to live up to Psyzm’s infamous reputation.

You also have to go down the stairs to get there and if you can’t tell, I’m not a fan of that. It can be especially tedious if you’re in the vinyl room and have to go up and back down again.

Anyway, for nostalgia and those flashbacks of Big John on stage, I’ll give it a 6.5/10.

2. Rock City

We all know and love Rock City smoking area regardless of whether you’re a smoker or not.

With a decent covering for when the dark rainy nights of January get in the way of your Wednesday night sports night. The size and location are also redeeming features of this smoking area it takes second spot on the list.

It’s close enough to the dance floor that you can nip in and out for some air. It’s also quite big (though somehow the person you’ve been avoiding is always there). It gets a solid 7/10 from me.

1. Stealth/Rescue Rooms 

Finally, we have reached the well-deserved winner!!!

This one takes the obvious crown, and goes above and beyond for what we expect of a smoking area.

Stocked with benches, rain coverings and even heat lamps, it’s got everything you want and more. It’s the perfect place for an escape from the DnB or RnB room since there is access from both upstairs and downstairs.

Thank you for bringing the overall ratings up and providing us with what the other clubs lacked in, and for that I’m giving you an 11/10.