A definitive review of post-night out takeaways from an MMU fourth year

It’s all too easy to fall into the hands of the closest takeaway shop after a night out. There’s something deeply comforting about sinking into the saltiest fries available when you’ve just made the most embarrassing choices of your year (so far) all thanks to vodka coke.

The longer you’ve spent in Manchester, the stronger your opinion grows on where to crawl to after a big night. As someone who fears they’ve overstayed their welcome, I’m here to impart some of my hard earned knowledge on the best and worst of the post-night-out scran you might encounter.

10. McDonalds Oxford Road

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Nothing good ever happens at this McDonalds. If you’ve found yourself unlucky (drunk) enough to wander in here after hours on a weekend, it feels like you might never leave. Do the nuggets sharebox taste better after the criminal wait time? No, and it wasn’t worth saving the £3 that could have got it delivered to your lovely, quiet, cosy house. Your fault for still going to 42s really.

9. Dragon Burger Box

Whilst it’s arguably one of the cheaper places to fall into after conquering the late night magic bus home, the trial of making the journey before the reward puts Dragon Burger Box pretty low on the list.

8. Dixy Chicken

There’s no explanation for why Dixy Chicken falls so low on the rankings. It’s cheap, quick, and within walking distance of literally everywhere. However, the vibes are inexplicably bad and I won’t be expanding.

7. Archies

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Archies is a great restaurant, undoubtably. It’s also priced for the girls that aren’t living off the last scrapings of their student loans. If you’re having a reeeally bad night and just need that pricey little treat, brave the scary neon lights and get a SERIOUS burger.

6. Zaytonis

No one does shawarma like Zaytonis. The salads, the sauces, the portion size – there’s nothing to dislike. Despite its obvious popularity, I’m hailing this as a hidden gem, mostly because this is one of the few spots known better by MMU babes than anyone else. It’s not the greasiest feed you’ll get, but the salads will have you feeling like the healthiest queen on Oxford Road.

5. Chesters

For all the UoM first years this shop is a saviour and a staple. Rumoured to house the best cheesy chips in Fallowfield, you can’t go wrong with Chesters. Post-houseparty? Check. Post-256? Check.

4. So Famous

Archies’ slightly cheaper cousin, So Famous is a staple in fancy little treat takeaways. With experimental options like the mac and cheese burger, if you feel like splashing the cash then she’s a winner. Could not tell you where the shop is, this vote comes from some incredibly drunk Uber Eats orders that may or may not align with student loan drops.

3. Pizza Co

Pizza Co Friends has to be one of the most iconic pages of any takeaway joint in the city. This shop is as important to MMU as Chesters is to UoM, and I might be biased but she takes the crown every time.

The orange beacon of light has been guiding freshers back to their halls for centuries and it would be impossible to leave without feeling good. Mr Pizza Co is the happiest man in the city, no competition.

2. Allens

It’s a classic for a reason. Unbeatable prices, unbeatable chicken and unbeatable opportunities for mirror pics that should never see the light of day. I’m yet to meet someone that has snagged an Allens sober, but let’s not be distracted by banalities.

1. Burger Box

For the uninitiated, this is, hands down, the cure to any evil. There’s no amount of bad decisions in 256 that can’t be cured with a loaded box. Just ten pounds gets you a burger, drink, chicken pieces and the best chips known to man. You can finish it the next morning and pretend that you didn’t get off with a first year despite your dissertation looming over your head.