The realities of hosting a Fallowfield house party

So, it’s November and you have got to that point in the year where you already know you’re not getting your deposit back. A towel rail has fallen off, you’ve broken two bedroom door locks and probably done some serious damage to the magnolia walls by bringing your bike inside. So, as a house you decide you have nothing left to lose and it might as well be time to host your first party.*

You might have not been brave enough for Halloween – I wouldn’t be with all that face paint about. So, you decide on a date, move all your furniture and find the biggest speakers you can, or a DJ if you have more than five friends. You think – this will be the best night of my life. Except it never is, especially if you’re the one hosting. So here, I have compiled a list of all the realities of hosting your first Fallowfield house party

*Also applies to Oak House flats. Maybe not Unsworth because you actually have nice things.

Things will get stolen

Ok, generally if you only invite people you know nothing important or expensive will get stolen. But random things will.

But these are things which are random, but the things you will miss the most. The best ones I’ve ever heard are: Both shower heads, a XXL box of tea bags, or even a cardboard cut-out of Anne Hegarty (still sore over this). Or if in Oak House, it might be your fire extinguisher…

One housemate always ends up in bed before the party starts

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Well, there’s always one. This is the consequence of what happens when you get too excited at the pres. One housemate will end up being sick, falling asleep on the sofa and then being transported up to bed. Hopefully before you end up on someone’s Insta Story, to save yourself from the hangxiety the next day.

Your bedroom is the hub of activity

Whether this is some of your pals having a deep and meaningful conversation – or anything else (let your imagination run away with you) –  it will be happening in your bedroom. If you don’t want this to happen: Lock your door and hide your key. If your door doesn’t lock, good luck and change your sheets.

You will end up with that person that won’t stop talking

Basically, you’re the parent of this party. No one wants to end up with “that guy”. You know exactly what guy I’m speaking about – the one who’s had too much to drink, or too much of something else. You will end up sat on the sofa with them, rolling your eyes at everyone that walks in your direction and telling them that, no, all your friends don’t hate you, and yes, I think you would be a good chancellor of the exchequer.

You have to clean up the next day

Well, you can’t just go home this time. Cleaning up the next day will hang over you the whole time you host the party. That is until you’ve drank half a bottle of Glen’s and everything is now funny. You will find bottles everywhere, probably snus everywhere, and your floors will never loose that stick. Oh, to be back in halls.