Here’s what Exeter Uni degree you should’ve done, based on your study drink

Venoms are SO Business

7 months ago

Whether it’s keeping you awake, hydrated, or giving you the sugar rush that you need to stay motivated, we ALL know that a nice study beverage is the key to every productive (ish) study sesh. Procrastinating by getting a beverage is a welcome relief from doing uni work, or at least pretending to, and no proper Exetah library session is complete without several pilgrimages to Pret. Guys, it’s ok, we’ve seen you sitting opposite your blank laptop screens in the Law Library for hours on end. I mean, as long as you have the correct study drink by your side, who cares? But, we’ve noticed some of the concoctions you guys have been sipping in the library, and we need to talk about it. Consider this an intervention – engineers, we’re looking at you!

Business: Venom

Not technically a study drink to all, but perhaps to some – if TP was on fire, you’d go down with it. Please, seek help. You have an exam tomorrow – why are you at the club? Before you ask, no, discussing what the answers might be whilst sat in Old Timers is not revision! You’re impartial on the green VS red Venom debate – beggars can’t be choosers, and when a Venom calls, you always pick up. Your grades might be sinking, but you have a Venom and big dreams.

Sports science: Lucozade

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This is obvious. These are the people that want everyone else in the Forum to know that they were always picked first in school PE lessons – jealous, tbh. If you have respect, you’ve gone for a Lucozade with a lid that screws on, but I’ll bet you’ve gone for one of the obnoxiously loud squeezey ones. I’ll let it slide just this once, as long as you teach me what an electrolyte is (I will never understand).

Engineering: Monster

Monsters are sugary insomnia and desperation dressed up in a colourful can, and we’ve seen you engineers sinking these bad boys day and night in the library. Honestly, fair. Your workload is big, but your salary will soon be bigger. If this is the only thing getting you through those all-night study sessions, so be it. Who am I to judge? Nothing but respect for you guys – drink whatever you like! Remember me when you’re rich, pls x

English/creative writing: Caramel iced latte WITH oat milk

Last week, a barista accidentally gave you one with cow’s milk, and it was the worst thing ever! You’re not actually too keen on coffee, but the opportunity to post an Instagram Story of your drink beside your laptop and caption it “study grind <3” is just too tempting to pass up. You are chronically online, but at least your laptop is open.

You should DEFINITELY have done this degree if you are sat in Queen’s cafe and just got another stamp on your loyalty card.

Geography: Fruit Shoot

Sometimes, colouring in maps is just too much. We all know that it’s hard work – crampy wrists, achy fingers, staying in the lines etc, so you NEED to stay hydrated. Give yourself a break. Put down your felt pens and whip out a nice Fruit Shoot, you deserve it!

Drama: Spoons pitchers

We’ve seen you at Impy, and the weather IS getting nicer so we don’t blame you. But girl, having your study group meetings over pitchers and small plates is wild. Don’t let me stop you though – keep doing you and living it up, it’s what Shakespeare would have wanted.

Science: Kombucha

I asked my natural scientist housemate for this one. His exact words were: “Maybe kombucha because it’s good for the microbiome”. Honestly, head is scrambled and I’m sweating – do what you want with this information because it is certainly lost on me! Scientists, not sure what this is, but hopefully you aren’t offended.

History: Diet Coke

Every time I speak to you guys, you’re so chill (or maybe just great at lying) – either way, tell us your secret! Diet Coke perfectly encapsulates your vibe, who doesn’t love a cheeky DC? Whether you claimed a free one from the Guild, picked out an ice cold Market Place can, or snuck one from the 12 pack that you keep in your fridge at home, everyone massively respects the Diet Coke grind.

Maths: Dragon Soop

Y’all crazy. The girls that get it, get it, and the girls that don’t, don’t. For some of us, the addiction is real (guilty) – but I’ve seen you maths students dabble in the Soop! Put some respect on its name: Highly caffeinated, highly alcoholic, and highly likely to give you a good time, Dragon Soops are the perfect study pick-me-up for the maths students that want the club, when the club doesn’t want them. Crack open a can and let those mathematic equations sort themselves out.

Law: Double espresso

I think, as a collective, we have all watched our Law student friends descend into insanity. All that we can do is watch on in horror, and slide the lawyers a Pret double espresso every now and then, just to keep them afloat. We salute you Law peeps – it’s just you and copious amounts of caffeine against the world!