Here’s how you should spend your Valentine’s Day based on your Exeter post-night out scran

Efes is every student’s true love this Valentine’s Day

10 months ago

February 14th is right around the corner for all the loved-up couples out there. Perhaps you and your partner have had plans since November or, perhaps you have left it so last minute you end up on Amazon Prime desperately trying to find some kind of gift. It can be a stressful time to really show your love and appreciation for that special person in your life, especially when your workload piles up and you’ve spent more money on FIXR tickets than on your other half (if that’s the case, you’re a red flag).

At the University of Exeter, we are obsessed with our post-night out scran: So much so that sometimes we start thinking about it on the TP dance floor, wondering when it’s socially acceptable to venture off and devour a steaming hot lamb doner. Let’s be real, we’ve all been on a side quest to secure the goods and not tell anyone at least once. If you’re someone who has no clue how to spend Valentine’s and can’t help but find themselves on Sidwell Street after a hefty Sketch Friday, this one’s for you because who said that food isn’t the way to the heart?

1. Efes Grill

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Starting off strong with Efes: If you always manage to secure one after a night out, then you are someone of high maintenance. You are someone who likes the best of the best and wants to be treated right and spoiled this Valentine’s Day, whether that’s in a relationship or with your gal pals. You want to be living lavish. So, for this Valentine’s Day, you would spend it at a fancy hotel, perhaps even having a spa day with your favourite bottle of Chardonnay and a charcuterie board at hand. You want to be able to put your feet up, put the cucumbers on your eyelids and relax. You are someone who likes to get their own way, even if that means treating yourself to an Efes delight as part of your day of romance. We know the true way to your heart is through an Efes halloumi kebab.

2. McDonald’s

Maccies is a staple post-night scran. It’s quick, it’s cheap and it’s convenient. You already know what you want before you get there and you know you are going to use your McDonald’s app for points. If you always get a Maccies as your post-night scran, then you are someone who loves early nights and is more of a homebody rather than a feral club rat. You love your home comforts. You would rather be in bed than in Fever Room 2 (which is fair enough).

With McDonald’s closing at midnight on weekdays, you are most likely ending your night at 10:30pm sharp. For Valentine’s Day, you and your partner are most likely to have a money free night in. You will spend your night watching old romcoms and staying in the comfort of your own bed. You might even cook a nice romantic meal for two with a tealight candle, or you may even decide to order a Maccies on Deliveroo, meaning you can stay in whilst your favourite scran gets sent to you. Go on, treat yourself, it is Valentine’s Day.

3. Subway

Ah, Subway, the food of choice if you’re looking for some carbs and a nice way to sober up from your night out. The place where you can have a combination of everything you want and no one can judge. In my opinion, Subway is a very odd choice of post-night scran, but I get it. As someone who has never dabbled with a post-night sandwich, I can tell you are a person who enjoys the simplicity of the outdoors. For Valentine’s Day, you will spend it having a nice picnic by the Quay, in Northernhay Gardens or Belmont Park. As you love your sandwiches so much, you will spend Valentine’s Day with a wide range of sandwiches. You’ve got your ham, your tuna mayo, your egg and cress, maybe even a fakeaway of Subway’s Meatball Marinara if you’re feeling adventurous. You just love the simplicity of food and fair enough, there’s nothing quite like a BLT to line the stomach after downing multiple Venoms. A classic picnic with your loved ones would be your ideal Valentine’s Day.

4. TP Burger van

The TP Burger van is perhaps the most popular and accessible post-night food of choice. Since the van is located strategically outside The Piece, where else would you want to go after hours of dancing in the wine bar and spending your student loan on green TP Venoms? This burger van has seen it all, from people stumbling out the club or someone chundering on the bench right next to it (we’ve all been there). If you’re someone who frequently goes to the TP burger van, you will spend Valentine’s Day in the most last-minute way possible.

You have definitely forgotten about Valentine’s and are now frantically trying to find a new gift for your partner on Fore Street. You’re 100 per cent the type to get a box of chocolates and a £1 fake rose and think “that will do”. You are not the romantic type and see Valentine’s Day as a “waste of money” and will probably spend it in a dark room and alone since you can’t put any effort into relationships. Perhaps if you spent more time on your relationship as you do trying to secure a TP ticket every Wednesday, then you would have a better Valentine’s Day.

5. Sidwell Fish and Chips

This post-night scran option is a bit rogue and, honestly, I’m partially judging. If you’re someone who voluntarily treks to Sidwell Fish and Chips, then you are someone who just loves the seaside and traditional British cuisine. You love long walks, fresh air and the outdoors, and enjoy reconnecting with nature after the tomfoolery that just happened in Unit 1 (RIP, can’t believe it’s closing down). On Valentine’s Day, you are most likely to spend the day at Exmouth or Dawlish beach. You and your partner will enjoy a nice stroll along the coast, sit by the sea and even get yourself some fish and chips with mushy peas at Krispies. You love nothing but wholesome vibes and going to the beach would be the ideal Valentine’s Day for you.

6. Taco Bell

This one is for my friends who absolutely love Taco Bell. Located on Sidwell Street and recently opened, Taco Bell allows you to have the Tex-Mex way of life. If you’re someone who begins their night thinking about the Volcano Burrito or the Crunchy Taco Supreme, then you are someone who lives life with a little bit of spice. You like to add some flavour to your day and want to explore new cultures, new places and develop some new skills.

That’s why, for Valentine’s Day, you and your partner should take up some salsa dance lessons. Not only would this be funny, but it can also be a really nice way of bonding and connecting with each other. With your dance lessons, you and your partner would have all eyes on you at a TP Salsa Tuesday. Alternatively, if you have access to your own Wii, you will spend Valentine’s Day on Just Dance, practicing your routine to Daddy Yankee. Once you’re exhausted from all the dancing, you will spend the evening on SkyScanner and Booking.com as you plan your next holiday with your other half. Whilst you’re at it, have a Mexican themed night enjoying your own fajitias and tacos or, head down to Taco Bell. Nothing says “love” like sharing a platter of nachos.

7. Home

If you’re the type of person who waits until they have gotten home to have their post-night scran, not only are you the next Martin Lewis but you also live life with a little bit of edge, and honestly, I applaud you for that. To cook your scran at home after sinking down 10 jägerbombs in Fever is very brave and people should fear you. You are someone who thinks ahead: You definitely prepared a sandwich pre-night out because you know drunk you would want to devour some Kingsmill.

You are someone who can be sensible but can also be dangerous, depending on how you cook at home post-night out. If you prepped yourself pre-night out, you will spend Valentine’s Day with a strict itinerary of what you and your partner are going to do for the day. You would have booked everything in advance and won’t have to stress about last-minute planning. But, if you’re someone who cooks up a storm at home whilst steaming, then you will spend Valentine’s Day locked in your room. You’re a menace to society.