Erm, a Lancaster student has confessed to killing Long Boi but the uni has said otherwise

In some wicked turn of events, you may or may not have heard of the rumour circulating at the minute that a Lancaster student actually killed Long Boi last year whilst being on Uni of York campus for the Roses.

It doesn’t seem hard to believe considering that the confession allegedly came from a Lancs student themselves, but we can all put the pitchforks down because it seems that Lancaster are innocent as it’s actually been debunked as untrue.

Originally posted anonymously online, the confession was posted from a  explained how a self-proclaimed “Lancaster Lad” took to an anonymous confessions page to take credit for Long Boi’s disappearance, claiming that himself and a few other boys from his sports team left their room on York’s campus to go and find the famous duck. He claimed this was all with good intentions, as they wanted to “grab it” and take a picture with him as a joke for the group chat.

His löngthiness

What they then claimed to have happened is pretty gross. After grabbing the duck, it was said that Long Boi bit of one the students who, being “pretty drunk”, threw him on the ground and kicked him away. Seeing the duck in pain from the force, one of the friends “who hunts” decided to put him out of his misery, thinking this the only “humane” thing to do.

According to the confession, he broke Long Boi’s beautiful neck then proceeded to cover up the crime but putting him “in a Tesco bag with some bricks” then “threw him into [York’s] lake near a bridge”. Yikes.

The confession claimed that were the lake to be emptied, the bag with Long Boi’s remains would be found. If anyone wants to go fishing around the lake to verify this, I can’t advise that but I can’t stop you either.

For the past year, the whole of Uni of York campus have felt the loss of its beloved campus celebrity, Long Boi, who was of course confirmed to have passed away in May last year.

But the news of his disappearance broke just after York and Lancaster’s annual Roses varsity tournament which, in 2023, took place on York’s home soil. Because of this, not helped by a home loss for York, rumours had actually spread at the time that perhaps our Lancaster rivals could’ve been responsible for the tragedy.

Campus lake where Long Boi previously lived

After a year of tributes, statues, and big-waterfouls-on-campus, this rumour has now resurfaced after the post was submitted this week. With the details being pretty grim, if true, it would have been a devastating way for his longthness to go. But breathe, it appears this is not the case.

The last official sighting of Long Boi was on April 22nd last year, with Roses weekend taking place a week after, from the 28th. Because of this, it is understood that Long Boi likely passed or waddled off before Lancaster arrived to compete.

As Long Boi was last reported seen before Roses weekend, this means the dates of this anonymous story don’t match up with the last official sighting. Another commenter doubted the story, questioning “how the hell did you find loose bricks on campus”, with York’s West Campus (and Long Boi’s home) being famously made of slabs of concrete.

Understandably upset, many York students in response to the post called for a full investigation, and for those responsible to be punished. There were even rumours that York had been in touch with Lancaster SU to investigate the matter seriously. This however, is also not true.

So the story, thankfully, appears to be made up, and with the nature of anonymous confessions pages, it might not even be the case that a Lancaster student wrote it, joke or otherwise. As far as we know, it’s a prank, a gross and sick one, but at least it’s not been proven to be true.

Having been loved by so many, we can all only hope he passed peacefully. A year on from such a loss and York is now about to get a live-sized statue of Long Boi on campus, with is about to be cast in bronze. In an email to students, SU President Pierrick Rodger said that details of the statues unveiling ceremony will follow soon, and asked students for suggestions for how to make the event the best it can be.

A spokesperson for LUSU said: “We have not been contacted about this matter by either York University or YUSU. If they do contact us with any information we will look into it. We will not be commenting on an anonymous post on a confessions site”.

Related stories recommended by this writer:

• He hasn’t risen: New Long Boi on York’s campus is unlikely to be the original, says expert

• How Long Boi went from humble beginnings on York’s campus to international fame

• ‘A very very tall campus duck’: Tribute to Long Boi made at University of York graduation

Featured image via X @tesco