After a chaotic seven days, ranking the Celebrity Big Brother 2024 cast one week in

I can’t believe it’s only been our first full week in the Celebrity Big Brother house – it feels like so much has happened. I look back on how I felt ranking the lot of the cast a week ago today and it already feels so outdated. Not only was Gary still haunting the proceedings, but dynamics hadn’t really began. It’s been a first week filled of drama, mini scraps, orange gate, David Potts actually wearing pants, Lauren’s note and the silence that followed and Louis and Sharon slagging off everyone in Hollywood. In a word, carnage. So as eviction two looms tonight, here’s my ranking of the Celebrity Big Brother 2024 housemates from worst to best.

12. Colson

Just completely and utterly bored shitless. I know he’s off Corrie and that but if I didn’t now better I’d literally believe ITV strolled into Tesco and picked a random man from the veg aisle and shoved him in the house. Talks about nothing except playing a copper on Corrie. Who cares!

11. Marisha

We need to outlaw nice people who are utterly boring housemates. I wish her well but this is not good TV. So earnest, so well meaning, but just not bringing anything at all to the house.

10. Fern

It’s sad to do this because I loved Fern the first couple of days in there, but I’m not really sure where her place is in the house or if she honestly even wants to be there. Sometimes she seems like she really does but other times she seems like she just wants to go home. I think she’s a bit of a fish out of water really.

9. Levi

Just too much crying. Whilst it’s nice to see men being honest about their emotions it’s just all a bit too much! What you crying for man! Just get nominating and pack this in.

8. Bradley 

Aw, he’s a lovely lad is Bradley. Not the most headline grabbing housemate amongst the Celebrity Big Brother 2024 cast, but one who signifies a start of the ranking where I’m happy they’re in the house. He’s never annoying, he has a big heart and the house are all sweet on him. Loved him dancing with Sharon and LOVED him cracking up at Lauren and Louis’ apology note.

7. Nikita

I just find Nikita really engaging and watchable. He’s got a giddy silliness that is infectious, and I love that he’s a bit of a windup merchant. He flirted with Bradley a bit last night and I was … kinda into it. I am looking respectfully.

6. Zeze

I really like Zeze and think she’s an interesting housemate. I think once Sharon Osbourne goes and either Lauren, Louis or Fern she’s going to show more of her personality – she obviously has a big one which is why she’s clashing with people. I think she comes across very real and down to earth and handles situations well. A bit stubborn sometimes, but so am I (lol) and think that’s kind of why I’m endeared to her.

5. Ekin-Su

I’m actually gutted to not be putting the woman I formerly referred to as God-Su at the top spot, but whilst I still think she’s amazing enough TV to be worth getting into my top five ranking of the Celebrity Big Brother 2024 cast so far – she’s winding me up a bit. The Only Fans comment? The beg behaviour towards Louis and Sharon? You’re the best Love Island star of all time, for god’s sake! Pack it in!

4. Louis

A pure evil old man but one I am just obsessed with watching. He needs to stay. He drops juicy gossip more than I’ve had hot meals. He has no filter. He is truly a loose cannon. He cannot leave the house yet, the TV is too good.

3. Sharon

I actually think it’s really wholesome that Mrs O has had a bit of a redemption arc, of sorts, whilst she’s been in the house. Not only has she been dropping chaotic gossip and slagging off the entirety of Hollywood, she’s sort of softened up. She went in the house very detached and she’s leaving it today a warmer person. The Zeze thing was really nice and thoughtful. It’s been great TV with her in there for a week.

2. David

GOD POTTS. Just absolutely adore him and everything he does. Great TV and perfect housemate. So many golden moments already. There’s only one GOD POTTS, baby.

1. Lauren

It was totally… banter. This is MY queen. Just absolutely hilarious without even trying and it breaks my heart that I think she’s going to go home tonight. She’s had more iconic moments this week than some get in a lifetime. The apology letter, the fact she was selling diffusers instead of nominating, the VT line of “I’m Lauren, my pronouns are she/her and I’m a white woman but I have just been on holiday so I’ve got a lovely tan.” Priceless.

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