The final, definitive ranking of all the Big Brother 2023 housemates from worst to best

Well, that’s that. Big Brother returned for 2023 with expectations in the rafters, and I know I’ve seen some grumbles about the season on Twitter / X, but I think it delivered and more. I get the criticism: Too short, too many tasks. But the pros majorly outweigh the negatives. It brought an online community of rabid Big Brother fans who have been starved of reaction pics and BB centric laughs for half a decade back together, but the real key to the success of this season was that the casting team at ITV did a great job of bringing together a really different and divisive group of housemates. These housemates have gone up and down in my estimations in ways I didn’t think possible, so with the Big Brother 2023 final looming tonight, here’s the definitive final ranking of them all.

16. Tom

Tom started off this series as a boring sheep who followed the crowd, and ended it as a boring sheep who followed the crowd whilst also proving himself to be nasty, mean-spirited and … wrong. About everything. Atrocious vibes, rude comments about nice people and a tendency to call Trish aggressive for some reason. Paul? Never aggressive somehow. Truly embarrassing that his time on the show concluded with him threatening to go back into the house and kick off and expose everything he’d seen in the spare room but then when given the chance to speak he just wished everyone well. Spineless, eternal fresher.

15. Dylan

Just never recovered from the despicable way he treated Noky and Trish after they nominated him. Took every nomination as as personal vendetta, seemingly forgetting he was on a gameshow where nominating is literally a weekly occurrence that everyone has to do. I’m getting the word: Hypocrite.

14. Jenkin

The human embodiment of woe, Sergeant Sadness himself Jenkin spent this season of Big Brother doing absolutely nothing but moaning and bitching. Literally, that’s all he did. The group won a spa treatment, he said he hated spas. The only thing he liked was hosting bingo. I think he went into the house thinking he’d be the iconic, sassy gay but he’s nothing like that, he’s nothing of the sort.

13. Paul

I wanted to love Paul because he’s sexy and I have a deep Scouse bias, but it’s clear he was just a bit of a shit. Why did he have so much vim towards Noky? I’m glad he made reparations with Trish at the last minute and compared to the three ranked lower than him I do think I’d get on with him better but my GOD, he did not come across well in the house at all.

12. Chanelle

Had all the makings of an icon but decided to become evil instead. What happened here may I ask? Aligned with evil, became stubborn beyond belief and had this random loyalty to Paul that not a soul understood. I cherished when Trish went “To be honest Chanelle, I didn’t even know you and Paul were that close”. Me neither, gal.

11. Zak

This is the first casualty of the Big Brother 2023 housemates ranking, because Zak simply left too soon. He genuinely seems like such a lovely lad, but just went too soon for us to fully get to know him and didn’t do anything too iconic when he was in there. He could have had a Noky-like late game ascension! Justice for Zak.

10. Farida

“Farida Khalifa makeup artist to the traveller and gypsy page” was in and out of this season in a flash and still managed to become one of the most memorable icons in there thanks to a hilarious feud with Kerry. She had no business going home first. We were truly robbed.

9. Hallie

Hallie is another casualty of going home too soon. If she stayed longer, she’d easily have made it into the top five Big Brother 2023 housemates ranking. For 18 years old, this girl handles herself beyond amazing. Coming onto TV in the current culture war climate as a trans woman and putting yourself out there at such a young age is one of the bravest things I could ever imagine doing, and Hallie was a laugh for every second of it.

8. Kerry

I hate that she’s a Tory and I think there’s an evil side, but I’m sorry, this season would have NOT been the same without Kerry. Kerry spawned a million memes. Bald Kerry is honestly one of the most culturally impactful happenings for gay people in a millennia. What’s made Kerry even more iconic as a housemate is that she came out of the house and took every laugh thrown at her in her stride and clearly, despite her evil party political leanings, has a good heart. I need Trish to make her a Labour voter so I can stan in peace.

7. Henry

I have a lot of conviction with my beliefs, and I think the existence of gay tories is one of the worst thing on this earth. Henry is everything I hate. And yet with Big Brother exposing me to him, it’s easy for me to say there’s a nice lad there. He’s a selfish Tory because he’s born into privilege and hasn’t bothered to educate himself on things – hence the repugnant Boris Johnson stanning. Last night Henry spoke about how this show has changed his perspective because he’s met people from all walks of life. His friendship with Trish felt like great common ground, and I hope when he leaves the house he can be saved from right wing hell because I think there’s a good person in there.

That being said, he has no business winning. We cannot make this man 100k richer. We just can’t. But the season would have been weird without his presence.

6. Jordan

The most toxic fuckboy I have ever watched on screen in my life. A horny lothario. Moving mad like he’s in the Love Island villa not the Big Brother house. Undoubtedly an icon of the season and an unforgettable housemate.

5. Matty

Hated Matty when this year’s Big Brother started but I actually have warmed to him so much he’s now got into the top five of the 2023 housemates ranking. Despite his slightly cringe ways at times, I think he’s a really genuinely lovely person who wants the best for people and cares deeply about doing the right thing. Very, very sound.

4. Noky

I wrote Noky off as a bore in the first few weeks, but she’s not boring – she’s an icon. As soon as her and Trish came together, magic happened. Handles herself so incredibly at all times. When she got her first cheers on eviction night and the tear rolled down her cheek? One of the most cinematic things I’ve ever seen. I cherished when she became Noky Minaj for one night only! I just think she’s neat. Not a laugh a minute but a gorgeous soul on all counts.

3. Yinrun

I feel like Yinrun as a Big Brother housemate is what this show is all about. A real character. Quirky, engaging, clever, funny, emotional. I love how someone who started as an outsider got through the whole season without going up for eviction once. So many funny moments. Instantly won our hearts when she hid when she entered the house, then gave us all the laughs of the Big Wig task and then just grew in confidence and lovableness from week to week. A worthy winner if she takes it tonight.

2. Trish

This is really difficult, for obvious reasons. After Trish’s eviction, where she left as the best housemate of the season with an army of fans (myself included) who had her as the winner, old tweets surfaced where she’d been racist, ableist, homophobic. I do not think she is any of these things and I think she’s proved exactly who she is in the house and what she stands for now, but nonetheless it was incredibly disappointing. She’s owned her mistakes and listening to her talk and apologise and hold herself accountable for it all feels very genuine but it still takes the shine off how amazing she was in the house.

In the house alone, wow. Truly a legend. A perfect communicator, an amazing debater, a fierce friend and a laugh a minute. Ignoring everything that happened after, she’s the housemate of the season.

1. Olivia

I mean, wow. What a rollercoaster we’ve been on with this Scottish diva. Started the show annoying, then became an icon, then became pure evil and now is back to being an icon? A journey. The thing is, we’re here to reward amazing housemates and I truly believe that amazing housemates are not good eggs for the whole time, they’re up and down and highs and lows. Olivia has been highs and lows, but for the lows she’s always owned her shit and apologised for it. That’s such an admirable trait to me, and something I find incredibly likeable.

Whatever she’s doing, Olivia is so watchable to me. I genuinely love and root for her. Give her the 100k NOW.

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