Nearly two weeks in, here’s all the Big Brother housemates ranked from worst to Yinrun

I need Chanelle and Jordan to fall in love

7 months ago

Two weeks in, I already am casting my mind back to my first ranking of the housemates for ITV’s 2023 relaunch of Big Brother and recoiling in horror at how wrong I was with my first impressions. This is normal of course. We’ve all moved in with people convinced they are about to become our friends for life only to discover they leave hair in the shower and sit and eat their tea in the living room with the big light on. A lot can happen in two weeks, and with that in mind here’s a brand spanking new fresh ranking of all the Big Brother housemates from Kerry to best.

15. Kerry

Oh dear oh dear. Went in an icon, two weeks pass and she’s a national nemesis. A lifelong Conservative voter who also works for the NHS? Do me a favour. She trends on Twitter every night because nobody can stomach the annoyance.

14. Dylan

I’ve not got any major beef with Dylan, but I do think he’s a waste of a housemate. I get riled up when people bring nothing to the table. He didn’t get a single nomination this week, and I fear he’s going to be in the final on the merit of just being quite a nice fella.

13. Tom

Via ITV

Feel the same about Tom as I do about Dylan. The white boy mullet quota was filled… How did he get through casting?

12. Henry

Unlike half of my Twitter timeline, I have not abandoned my morals and forgiven the fact this is a Boris Johnson loving Tory for the sake of telly! Only ranking him higher than Dylan and Tom because I think he brings out the funny in Jordan, which is of course a big pro. That being said, I’d like him to be evicted on Friday so we can see Jordan without the Henry shackles.

11. Noky

Noky’s reaction to not taking the prize for the shopping task this week was wild. All those tears to not accept something you won? I just found it bewildering. That aside, she’s not bringing many laughs or vibes to the table. Wish her well, though.

10. Jenkin

Would love to know if he ever fancies waking up and feeling a bit positive. Just once. Smile, love, it might never happen.

9. Paul

I have Scouse accent bias, sorry. SORRY. It was hell on earth when he was losing his mind to Mr Brightside.

8. Matty

Seems like a nice lad, actually. Thoughtful and decent chats with people if a bit precocious. Not giving me belly laughs but doesn’t annoy me that much either. Considering the ones below him, what more can you ask for?

7. Zak

Not really sure why the housemates have suddenly declared Zak public enemy number one, but I will not be joining in. Also have an intense Manchester bias to him and wish him only the best. He made me cry my eyes out when he was talking about his mum and he always comes across as really genuine and caring to me. The housemates cannot convince me that he’s somehow now a villain.

6. Olivia

Oliva is the prime example of a great housemate who I’d DESPISE living with. Always singing, always being a pest, always ready for an argument. She’s flawed but I like her. Remember everyone demanding she should be first to be evicted? PLEASE. She must stay.

5. Hallie

Kicking off the top five of my Big Brother housemates ranking two weeks in is Ar Hallie. What a woman. An 18 year old going into Big Brother and bravely telling the nation she’s trans in the current climate is beyond admirable, and she must be so hardy to do so. She moans a bit, sure – and needs freeing from the Kerry Klutches – but I think all things considered she’s doing a great job and I think she’s wise beyond her years on the whole.

4. Chanelle

An absolute icon. I feel like she’s going from strength to strength, too. The secret task where she had to give backhanded compliments and just walked around insulting everyone was probably the highlight of the season so far for me. I am absolutely obsessed with her friendship with Jordan and feel like he’s got a thing for her. I need Henry to be evicted so Chanelle and Jordan can be the ultimate duo.

3. Trish

Wow. My leader of the opposition. I adore Trish. I love that she demands lamb chops and cooks them up for a snack in the dead of night. Her and Yinrun’s friendship is the lifeblood of the season as far as I’m concerned. Just a proper great gal who I know for a FACT I’d be good mates with.

2. Jordan

The kind of obscure character Big Brother is all about giving a platform to. Some of the most deliciously dry wit I’ve seen on TV in ages. Absolutely adore him. “Shall we say a few words? She wouldn’t listen to them anyway” re, Farida’s empty bed was absolutely golden. I’m kind of infatuated with The Sangha actually.

1. Yinrun

Just give her the 100 grand already, honestly. I actually can’t think of a Big Brother housemate since Nikki Grahame so universally adored by everyone. I haven’t seen a single post online on any socials disliking Yinrun. Everyone is absolutely obsessed – and rightly so. Funny, humble, quirky and completely charming. Just a joyous person to watch, and proof you don’t have to be a moaning an argumentative housemate to be amazing TV.

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