Fake Showbiz News, Jessie J, Dolmio, Rochelle Humes

Just the 10 best fictional celebrity sagas on Twitter’s Fake Showbiz News

Fake Rochelle and fake Marvin really have it rough

Whoever runs Fake Showbiz News on Twitter needs formal recognition for services to entertainment.

The parody account remains to this day the best thing on the internet. It literally never misses. Never gets old. Just a consistent stream of absurd and obviously fake situational laughs.

The stray tweets are golden on their own. Just a celeb making a sweeping statement with a bemused picture to accompany it.

But where Fake Showbiz News hits its stride is with the sagas. The running jokes. There’s some poor celebs who now have become so wrapped up in the weird, imaginary FSN lore that I’ve had to set up Twitter alerts so I don’t miss the latest fictional update on the plotlines.

It’s the kind of stuff that has you sat wheezing to yourself on the train. Proper belly laughs.

Here’s 10 of the best ongoing sagas over on @FakeShowbizNews:

The various Dolmio Day antics

I don’t care if it’s about the changing of the all important Dolmio Day or if it’s an update on what Sofia Dolmio, aka the most iconic puppet in Italy, is up to. If Fake Showbiz News tweets the word Dolmio, it’s funny.

Cat Deeley hating Snow Patrol

One of the most prolific sagas is Cat Deeley’s endless FICTIONAL hate for Snow Patrol. Fake Cat Deeley really wants that band to be erased off the face of the earth and it’s hysterical.

Richard Hammond being unnerved by gays

It’s an exaggerated saga, but one that is based on truth. Richard Hammond came under fire for saying in reference to eating a chocolate Magnum: “It’s all right, I don’t eat ice cream. It’s something to do with being straight.”

… Okay, Rich! Anyway, Fake Showbiz News took the fragile masculinity and ran with it.

Adrian Chiles being unnecessarily horny

A gross one but a good one.

Jessie J’s chain of imaginary abattoirs

This one is so absurd but so golden. Jessie J and an abattoir chain are two things that just have no right working in such perfect harmony. Fictional Jessie J being a tyrannical CEO of a pig slaughtering empire is so visceral and evil – always a laugh from me!

Emma Bunton being consistently dull

The depiction of fictional Emma Bunton as that really boring mate of your mum’s that you bump into in the supermarket and have to listen to their crap small talk is too real.

*insert literally anything* VS. Predator

Jokes aside, I’d literally pay to see all of these.

Olly Murs being a bit thick

Simple but efficient comedy. No shade to Fake Olly, but these don’t feel too far fetched really.

Kylie Minogue being uncharacteristically furious and negative

These are so funny because real Kylie is an absolute angel on earth – a ray of sunshine and a national treasure. Fake Showbiz News Kylie is a borderline sadist.

Rochelle and Marvin 🙁

Poor, poor, poor fake Marvin and fake Rochelle Humes. In real life, they have one of the happiest marriages in showbiz.

In Fake Showbiz News land, all is not well. But GOD, it’s comedy gold.

Follow Fake Showbiz News at @FakeShowbizNews on Twitter.

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