14 times The Woman in the Window was the most unhinged film Netflix has ever made

It’s about time Netflix was held responsible for a number of crimes committed against the use of my time. Today, for example, I spent nearly two hours of my life watching The Woman in the Window and I think someone needs to take whoever allowed this monstrosity to happen up to the stands to face their charge. Your honour, I present to you a war crime.

This whirlwind and car crash of a movie (quite literally) follows Anna Fox (Amy Adams), an agoraphobe who finds herself keeping tabs on the new family across the street through the windows of her NYC home. After witnessing a brutal crime, secrets begin to unravel and nothing and no one are what they seem.

Here are all the moments in Netflix film The Woman in the Window that were nothing short of ridiculous. Someone do something about this, I beg.

1. Straight up when we learn Anna hasn’t left the house in 10 months, I knew this was going to be a journey

The first thing we learn is that Anna hasn’t left the house in over 10 months, because when she does she suffers from panic attacks. Doctors have tried to get her out with an umbrella, but nothing helps. Is this movie just about our lives for the last year? This is too close to home for my liking.

2. Anna’s first encounter with Ethan was… interesting

One of the first things Ethan says to Anna is “we had to leave Boston” which in film speak is a huge red flag. I’m scared for Ethan, he seems cute and innocent and there is definitely something going on with his family and he’s been dragged into it. He’s so on edge and flinching at everything – where is this going?

3. Ok so wtf is going on in the Russell home then?!

Right, this escalated quickly. Now there’s screaming and Alistair is going mad on the phone. Oh and he casually walks around their house holding a hammer. Lovely.

4. Anna is creating a full on camera kit set up, naturally

To be honest Anna is a bit of a hun here, she has nothing better to do than sit and spy on her neighbours all day and it looks like she was waiting for this day to come with how quickly she had a full camera kit ready to go. You watch them girl. You find out what they’re all up to.

5. Can we just take a moment for this weird blood splatter across the screen thing when ‘Jane’ was murdered?

What was this all about please?

6. ‘I’m Jane Russell’

Right, this is creepy. Who is this random woman showing up claiming she’s Jane? No you ain’t, love. And why is Ethan going along with this? Now there’s this other wife settling down for dinner with the Russells like nothing has happened. Does she know what’s going on here? Does anyone know what’s going on here?

7. SOMEONE IS WATCHING ANNA IN HER SLEEP?!

This was just unnecessarily odd, and on second thoughts was another wild plot line that I’m pretty sure the writers just threw in for fun because they thought it would be a good idea. I am shocked. However, I did like the inclusion of her falling asleep clutching her wine glass, a nice touch.

8. The montage of what’s going on in Anna’s head really has me questioning everything that is going on here

So, let me get my head around all this. Her family are all dead? She killed them all in an accident? Is she actually hallucinating everything or? I’m lost. Are the weird phone calls we keep hearing even real? WHAT IS HAPPENING.

9. Side note, but why is this police officer such a goddamn bitch?

Did she want her job? Does she care about anyone? Is life just one big chore for her? Has she ever had fun at a party?

10. When it was revealed as being Ethan all along, the way I GASPED

YOU PIECE OF SHIT ETHAN I TRUSTED YOU. I FELT SORRY FOR YOU. But instead, Ethan is out here making Joe Goldberg look tame. I’m not sure I can back a film that takes the innocent 15-year-old and turns him into a twisted serial killer with an obsession with watching people die. Has anyone checked on the writer of this film? Are they ok?

11. David is still alive, and Anna is sliding around the place in his blood

So Ethan’s clearly killed David on the way in, and now Anna has smashed Ethan over the head. I’m recovering from that and then BOOM. Anna is sliding around in David’s blood, David is still alive and so is Ethan!!!

Oh wait, scratch that, Ethan is literally stabbing David right in front of our very eyes. This movie is cursed.

12. Tell me, was it really necessary for this scene to be so gruesome and graphic?

I urge you to have some respect for Amy Adams.

13. The timeline here is honestly ridiculous

You mean to tell me that all of this has happened in like a week? The Russells must move house a lot.

14. On a final reflection, I’m not entirely sure if I just imagined all that happening or not?

You know when a completely shocking film or series ends with a wholesome pan over the city as though nothing just happened and everyone can just continue living their lives as normal, does this throw anyone else? Oh, so are we just forgetting how many people just died? The fact that Amy Adams had garden equipment literally placed in her face about three minutes previously? I don’t know about you, but I’m just not quite ready to let that slide.

The Woman in the Window is available on Netflix now. For all the latest Netflix news, drops, quizzes and memes like The Holy Church of Netflix on Facebook. 

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