These are the 12 lockdown easing personalities you’ll meet at the pub this weekend
I’m a mix between the liability and the one who already wants to go home
We finally have some sense of normality coming back into our lives now that lockdown is easing. Our new normal means trips to the pub huddled together necking pints in your two hour pre booked slot. It means queuing just to buy some new underwear from Primark and actually seeing our mates for a nice dinner without breaking the law. But with this new lockdown easing, comes the new lockdown easing personalities and you’re gonna meet them all at the pub this weekend.
Coming out of lockdown has brought out the best and worst of us. For some it’s made them even more organised than before and got them booking out every single bar within a five kilometre radius until the last weekend of July. Whereas some are acting as if they’d rather go back to lockdown and settle in for the night with a takeaway and Netflix box set.
There are 12 lockdown easing personas that you’ll have the unfortunate chance of meeting in the coming weeks and this is everything you need to know about each of them:
They’ve got the bars booked up for the next four to six weeks. Their new side hustle has turned into finding which bars offer happy hour and bottomless brunch. They have their diary full of social engagements for the next month. Not because they particularly want to see all their mates, they just love the thrill of organisation. If you do not turn up on time you will know about it and will be receiving a death stare whilst you sip your Aperol Spritz.
Hereeee comes the casualty. It’s only 5pm but already her mascara’s down her chin and there’s an Aperol stain on her flares. She’s ten decibels higher than everyone else but she’s not really saying anything – just “woooo”. There will be a fall and a grazed knee by 7pm and bed (fully clothed) by 9pm.
The one freezing in the corner
Beth we told you to bring a coat, you’re not gonna look good on your Insta story if you develop frostbite. We’re in England, it’s probably gonna be freezing and those pics you took in a nice blazer with your porn star martini are not gonna turn you into Molly-Mae. So just give it up, put on a puffer jacket and a scarf whilst you’re at it. Oh and shut up about the cold.
The one sticking to the rules
Generally when it comes to COVID restrictions everyone is pretty good, we all wear our masks and sanitise. But this person takes it to a whole new level. You shuffle up to them a bit too close on the pub bench and suddenly they look at you like you’ve got the plague. Forget about sharing a starter and don’t even think of suggesting a hug. They are firmly in full lockdown mode, and will often be heard saying “has everyone forget we’re still in a pandemic?” No Karen we hadn’t but thanks for the reminder.
The one taking photos of tube carriages
They’re basically the same as the Karen, but this time it’s usually a man documenting the evidence for Twitter. He takes a photo of a slightly full tube carriage or busy park, with the caption “no social distancing here”, despite not realising he is part of the same carriage.
The one complaining about money
“A double costs how much?” Yes we’ve all forgotten how expensive it is to go out and just have a pint. But we’ve said it all once now and it doesn’t need to be the main conversation point for the entire evening. They will probably slink off after the second round because they “don’t want to fork out a mortgage” for a vodka coke.
The one who doesn’t want to come out
They will come for a couple of drinks, but after two hours and them consistently complaining about the cold, they will make their excuses and scurry back to their Netflix hole. They are the only person who actively enjoyed lockdown because it wasn’t that different to their usual lifestyle.
The one who gets really emosh about seeing everyone
Look, Katie, we’ve all had a drink, and yes it’s soooooooo nice to see everyone but – can you get off a bit?
The one who gets really deep about lockdown
“It’s just so strange isn’t it? I can’t believe we’ve all been inside for this long? I’ve personally found it, like, really liberating? Like, it just made me realise just how overwhelmed I really was before. Really makes you think, doesn’t it? Anyway what’s everyone else learnt about themselves this lockdown?”
The one who wants to do everything
Most of us will be satisfied just to be seeing our pals for dinner, but not this person. They’ve made a post-lockdown bucket list and will be doing everything under the sun as soon as restrictions allow. They’ve been to the shops, got their hair cut, gone swimming, played tennis, visited the library and they will tell you all about it whilst documenting it for the gram.
The one constantly on staycations
As soon as those restrictions were lifted they were off to their family’s bolt hole in the countryside or by the sea. They have no problem documenting it all on Instagram with a tennis shot here or drinks at the beach bar there. They’re insufferable and you’re just generally annoyed they managed to have the forward thinking to book an AirBnB in January.
The one who won’t give up tinnies on the grass
Look I love a tinnie on the grass in summer, and it was lovely doing it when that was all we had, but now that the pubs are actually open Ben and we’d like to sit in one. Yes it’s more money, we might have to queue, but I haven’t been able to complain about money or queuing in a long time and I’d like to appreciate the smell of the pub garden once again.