A week without SNK: What happened to Klute?

Klute — often infamously named “Europe’s worst nightclub” and, somehow, still Klute — has been closed since Wednesday, 25th  March. That’s nearly six whole days without the sacred pilgrimage to the dancefloor.

How are Durham University students expected to survive? Where else will they scream-sing “That’s Amore” at 1 am while clutching a suspiciously luminous quaddie? The absence has left a quaddie-shaped hole in the city.  College group chats are in mourning. Quaddies remain undrunk. The iconic Klute dancefloor rests, undisturbed.

Naturally, The Durham Tab tracked down John Klute himself to uncover why the city’s most (in)famous hotspot has gone dark — and whether students will ever emotionally recover.

“I’m no electrician, but there should be some electricity, and there isn’t”

John Klute told The Durham Tab, “I’m no electrician, but there should be some electricity, and there isn’t. Power went out on Wednesday, briefly came back on the 26th, then went away again.

“Been getting lots of angry DMs from an angry mob of fans that are getting withdrawals.

“I’m so annoyed about the whole thing! I’ve just been sitting watching Frasier and eating spicy Wotsits all week. But I went in last night cos I was feeling glum, and I can confirm Klute is still better than next door, even if you just sit there with the lights out.

“If you want to know how good I am at fixing electrical issues, think of that scene in Breaking Bad where Jesse says, “ahhh…wire!”.

What do Durham students have to say?

Many students reported emotions ranging from “devastated” to “distraught”, with one student in particular stating, “it is absolutely dreadful – it is such a core part of Durham life both actively and passively”. It seems everyone is having major withdrawals.

Another student told us, “I’m just sad that now every social I go on is going to Jimmy’s instead. I hate Jimmy’s”. Others reported feeling “heartbroken. Now where will I go to spend £5 on a quaddie while watching Klute play My Chemical Romance at 1 am on a Tuesday?”.

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Many reported feeling “desperate, I can’t live without SNK”.  Another said: “Day ruined, I wanted one thing only after I finished my summatives”.

Some feared the worst, “praying it doesn’t close down again”.  A very sad Durham student told us, “my Saturday night was made utterly miserable by lack of Klute”.

Finally, a word from our editors

Josie, Features Editor, stated that she is “having withdrawal symptoms. Please come back, I would rather drop out than go to Jimmy’s”.

Charlotte, News Editor (myself), felt particularly impassioned, revealing “I genuinely nearly cried on Wednesday when I turned up to Klute, only to find the doors firmly shut. Heartbroken doesn’t even begin to cover it. Instead of sipping quaddies in a room packed with Durham’s finest, I found myself begrudgingly heading to Babs, only to leave half an hour early because no one does it like Klute does”.

May, our Editor in Chief, said: “John, even after everything the people of Durham do for you (electing you as their unofficial king), you couldn’t be arsed to become an electrician and manually fix the issue yourself? Can’t pretend I’m not sorely disappointed. I was so bored last night that I considered learning sudoku and crochet.”

No fear! Klute isn’t going anywhere, it’s just… sleeping

But for now, it’s certainly safe to say, we’re all crying. But this is only temporary, so wipe those tears away. Klute will be back, better than ever, and Durham students will be there waiting with open arms. Sweet dreams for now…

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