‘The world is better off without me’: All of Lucy Letby’s horrifying ‘confession’ notes in full

Handwritten notes by former neonatal nurse Lucy Letby, repeatedly described in court as a “confession”, were presented by prosecutors as key evidence during her trial.

Sources close to the case say the notes were produced following counselling sessions, and were part of a therapeutic exercise to manage intense stress and intrusive thoughts.

SWNS

The handwritten pages, scribbled on Post-it notes and scraps of paper, became a focal point during Letby’s trial and appeal. Prosecutors highlighted the line “I AM EVIL I DID THIS” in their opening speech, and jurors were frequently reminded of it throughout proceedings. The prosecution argued the notes amounted to admissions of guilt.

However, people familiar with the circumstances in which the notes were written say they emerged during a period when Letby had been removed from clinical duties after a cluster of infant deaths and was under internal investigation. During that time, between July 2016 and her arrest in July 2018, she was reportedly advised by professionals to write down distressing thoughts and emotions as part of coping strategies.

The notes also contain repeated references to her mental health, feelings of isolation, and suicidal ideation. Phrases include “Kill myself right now”, “despair panic fear lost”, and “I feel very alone and scared”. Other fragments reference her family, pets, colleagues, and the impact of being separated from her work on the neonatal ward.

According to sources, Letby felt increasingly isolated after being told not to speak to most colleagues while investigations were ongoing. The writings reflect that period, describing fears about police involvement, concerns about disciplinary action, and anxieties about her future.

Most Read

I’m in prison with Lucy Letby right now and this is what she’s really like

Here’s why people are so freaked out about that super creepy Ring Doorbell advert

Here are Bad Bunny’s translated Super Bowl lyrics, so you know why people are angry

Jurors were encouraged to interpret the statements literally, while the defence argued the notes reflected distress rather than confession.

Below are the contents of the notes as presented in court documents and widely circulated in the media.

Blue note, first page

Cheshire Police

“Monday. Can’t go to A&E, clinical area, will be disciplined. Anticipate another b/12. Removing me (obviously no evidence + hadn’t have been spoken to, but still upsetting). Supporting me has [unclear] but can’t contain loss / doubt. Do anything (cc anyone else) until this finished.”

Blue note, second page

Cheshire Police

“Mediation – says discipline, but [unclear name] said can’t discipline. Will never change so be prepared this it may never happen. OH lady – prepare tomorrow. Might make me think of all the things I am missing out on.”

Green note, widely described as the ‘confession’ note

CPS

“There are not enough. I can’t breathe. I keep overwhelming fear / panic. I haven’t done anything wrong. Police investigation, Slander Discrimination. Taking over my life every day. I feel very alone + scared. I don’t deserve to live. World is better off without me. I AM EVIL I DID THIS. NOT GOOD ENOUGH. I am an awful person. I killed them on purpose. HATE.”

The notes also mention her cats, Tigger and Smudge, her dog, Whiskey, and Tiny Boy, thought initially by investigators to be a reference to babies she killed but in fact her nickname for the small Yorkshire cross terrier dog, according to the sources close to the case. The name ‘Kathryn de Beger’ is also frequently written down, head of occupational health at the Countess of Chester hospital.

Cheshire Police

The interpretation of these notes remains one of the most contested aspects of the case, with debate continuing over whether they should be read as literal admissions or as expressions of distress during a period of intense scrutiny.

For more like this, like The Tab on Facebook.

Featured image credit: Cheshire Police