The ultimate guide to rage-bait a Durham student

Durham: simultaneously one of the hardest universities to get into, and one of the easiest to rage-bait. Turns out, Durham students are protective of their student culture, and pretty sensitive. Maybe it’s the fault of living in the Durham bubble that we’ve all become snowflakes. Or maybe, we just give people a lot of material that makes for prime rage-bait. But if you’re looking for some topics to upset any of us, here is your definitive guide.

‘So, Oxford or Cambridge?’

Ah, the uni full of Oxbridge rejects. This one is obvious. It is THE go-to Durham Uni stereotype since almost half of us applied to one or the other. It unites us as a university community, like shared trauma. When we talk to people from other unis, they just don’t understand our pain, making this the ultimate Durham student rage-bait.

So next time somebody uses this one on you remind them that Durham overtook Oxford as The Times’ University of the year.

‘Klute? Isn’t that the worst nightclub in Europe?’

This one is more tame because, for most Klute-goers, this is more of a claim to fame than a rage-bait. It’s unlikely that any Durham student chose the city for its superior nightlife. The Durham clubbing experience is best enjoyed with a hint of self-awareness – it’s not an objectively good night-out, it’s a Durham night-out. Nevertheless, Klute regulars are a loyal bunch. Admonish their holy land at your peril.

‘You got a first? Pretty sure they hand those out in Durham.’

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If you’ve kept up with Durham news, you might know that Durham Uni hands out more first-class degrees than most other Russel Group universities. This unfortunately is prime rage-bait for all the other universities who wish they were us. This one admittedly is probably the most effective way to get under a Durham student’s skin. Tell a uni student they didn’t earn their first after they slaved in the Billy B for hours writing their dissertation and you deserve the consequences.

‘Durham as in Durham, North Carolina?’

In the UK, everyone knows about Durham Uni. Abroad though, not as much. We rank well globally, true. But the Durham name doesn’t really compete with the fame of Oxford, Cambridge, Yale, Harvard etc. So, when Durham students go on their obligatory gap year or Euro summer, they are at risk of meeting someone who hasn’t heard of Durham (shock, horror).

Sometimes even Google Maps chooses not to acknowledge Durham’s existence in the UK. Embarrassing.

‘You look like you went to Hatfield’

Even if you’re from Hatfield, this one should sting. Each college has their stereotype – deserved or otherwise – but Hatfield’s image is the most widely known. We should all collectively blame Hatfield students for giving Durham Uni a reputation for only accepting ultra-posh, privately educated southerners. If somebody says, “You look like you’re from Hatfield”, that roughly translates to “You look like you enjoy shooting and skiing, and like your parents paid up-front for your tuition fees”. Which, for many, is rage-bait.

‘So, you’re posh?’

This one is pretty much the same as being called a Hatfielder, but just more to the point. It’s even worse though because, while not all of us are Hatfielders (thank God), a big majority are a bit posh. So, you can’t really counter it very effectively. Whether it’s your southern accent, or the fact you once went clubbing in a black-tie, you can’t escape the allegations.

‘X is the best college’

Some people got their first-choice college, others (like me) didn’t. Either way, most college students have some loyalty to their college (unless you’re in Hild Bede and haven’t visited college since they moved it to North Road). So, if you’re about to insult someone’s college, beware. Feel like calling someone from Grey college “grey by nature”? Be ready for a physical fight. Want to make fun of Trevs’ weird hexagonal design?… Fair enough, that’s a very valid take.

Making fun of Hatfield though is totally different, it’s weird if you don’t make fun of Hatfield.

‘I’m basically northern, I’m from North London’

This one is insulting to both true Northerners, and to people from North London. The North/South divide in Durham is pretty stark, so drawing lines across the country anywhere becomes tricky business no matter where you put it. Calling a northern student “southern” might get you evicted from the Northeast though; and calling a southern student “northern” might get you uninvited from their yacht trip.

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