The what-ifs of uni: A second year at York overthinks her life (again)

Nostalgia can hit you like a brick. Sometimes when I am walking back from a lecture, I start spiraling into the what ifs of uni. The semester is coming to a close, it can be stressful to think if you are happy with your choices you make through uni. 

So here are the things I find myself thinking about as a second-year student, trying to trust my own decisions. 

What if I’d met different people?

We all have one of these moments – don’t lie – every time someone brings up a night out in York, I think about the near misses of people I could have known (especially the creatures from the clubs). 

People only going clubbing to come home with someone, people only going for the midnight McDonalds afterwards, and people going just to make use of the plat card they spent a fortune on purchasing at the start of the year.

Whenever I’m out for drinks with my friends, I always think to myself what everyone else is doing at the same time and place as me. ‘Is that table on a first date?’ ‘Are they friends from their course?’ ‘They have known each other for years and are catching up after being at different universities.’ ‘And she, over there, is definitely with her bestest friends she could ever dream of’. 

All these encounters make me so grateful that we’ve all landed at a place and still made everything work out how we want it to.

What if I’d lived in a different college?

Most Read

Jonathan Bailey reveals tragic reason Fiyero picks Elphaba in Wicked: For Good, that was cut

Exclusive: Love Is Blind’s Nick addresses his sexuality for first time after those comments

Erm, why is Katy Perry suing a dying 85-year-old veteran for an insane amount of money?

I’m in my second year now, but I still think about the first year of uni in a heartfelt way, like it’s my ex partner and I’m mourning the loss of.

What if I’d ended up in Langwith? I probably would have attended more flat parties, but therefore I would have regrettably consumed more units of alcohol and developed into a constant state of being anxiously hungover. 

What about Alcuin? I think I would take advantage of the library being only a few minutes walk away from my flat, potentially being more ‘locked in’ academically and late night study dates. 

I loved my actual college and my flat that came with it, but I can’t help imagining a parallel version of me living in a different flat, making different kitchen friends, crying over the same assignments but in a different environment.

What if I’d joined more societies?

York is FULL of societies. Hummus Society? So unique. Taylor Swift Society? Obviously. Sports societies? There’s so many of them to count. 

I remember attending the Freshers’ Fair last year: going to various taster sessions, signing up to the emails and promising myself to go out of my comfort zone.

Sometimes I wonder who I’d be if I followed through with trying everything I thought I would want to: Would I be in a student drama production right now? Would I have discovered I love pottery making? Or would I be overwhelmed if I joined a society where part of the contract is to dress up every night and down a bottle of wine before leaving the house? 

What if I hadn’t fallen into the drinking culture?

York’s nightlife isn’t exactly wild, but somehow, we all end up living for those nights at Dusk, Ziggy’s Tuesday nights, or a spontaneous trip to Flares (if that is the absolute last option). 

But what if clubbing didn’t become an additive personality trait in the first year and everyone has stuck with it?

What if I spent more nights in the flat watching films together or more wholesome activities than being in a club with sweat from how busy the club is and sticky floors from spilled drinks. 

Sometimes I think I’d be healthier and maybe my liver would like me more. I might be on a health kick where I only consume things good for my body instead of drinks that just hurt my head the next day. 

Then again… some of my best memories happened with an overpriced cocktail in my hand with my friends and I giggling over an inside joke that really shouldn’t be funny (but always is). 

What if I never moved from home?

Whenever assignments pile up, lectures feel impossible to understand, and everyone is getting on everyone’s nerves…

I have that moment: What if I just… dropped everything and went home?

Not forever, but for however long it takes to hit ‘factory reset button’ and feel like you’ve actually rested and rejuvenated yourself. I often think of how different things were before moving to uni, how much I’ve changed, how I can cook for myself (and trust the result), how I can go out with my friends on a Tuesday night and not be scared to wake up my parents coming home at 3am, and how I can mentally handle the change that comes with this life chapter. 

If I didn’t move away I think my life could be very different. I won’t ever know any alternative but I like to reflect on the opportunities that have come with trying something new and slightly daunting at the age of 18.

The what-ifs are endless.

Uni isn’t just lectures and essays, it’s a spiral of tiny decisions that shape who you become as a whole person. 

And as much as I love spiralling about the alternate realities in my day-dreams, I love the one I’m in. Maybe the what-ifs don’t matter as much as the right now does. But knowing me, I’ll still keep overthinking them anyway.