All the reasons you’ll fall out with your housemates this year (and how to prevent that)

November has arrived, and with it: the collision of summative essays worth 60% of your grade; the muggy transition of autumnal rain to the wintery cold; and the day ending at 3:59pm. The lack of sunlight and pure stress for university students is real. And this time, that dirty spoon you left on the counter IS going to be the last straw and WILL be sent as a picture with a passive aggressive message to the flat Snapchat group chat. So, to help be a guiding light in what quite literally be the murkiest part of your academic year, I’m going to provide you with all the things that you – yes, even the flat that have been buddy-buddy since Freshers weekday 1 – are going to fall out with your housemates over this year.

Clean your dirty dishes, people

The obvious one is the dishes. The stale food crusting on the plates stacking up in your sink. The mess and clutter. And then the cherry on the cake will eventually be the smell…

It would send even the kindest of souls to popping a blood vessel and tearing their hair out. The easiest solution would be sending a message to the group chat, asking them nicely to wash them. If all else fails, you have my full permission to leave them outside their bedroom door. Actions speak louder than words.

Keep it down

The least talked about issue I think, are loud flatmates. For the chill housemates, who enjoy an early shower after a long week, curling up in bed to Netflix and being asleep by 10pm, the notoriously raucous ‘pres’ can be a real issue.

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Sleep is an important factor to a healthy and happy mind. To anyone who fears being called ‘boring’ or ‘snappy’ for calling out their flatmate’s noisiness, please don’t be discouraged. I would strongly recommend knocking on their door and asking them to move onto the college bar or messaging them after to respect your peace. While university is a good place to socialize and party, having a safe, comfortable and quiet environment is equally important.

Dear food thieves, stop it.

An issue which I find hilarious that at all our big ages I must address, is theft – food theft. Now, I know we’re all well aware of the cost-of-living crisis and the absolute pittance that is Student Finance England instalments post rent payment. But the situation is never as serious as stealing each other’s onions, potatoes, or, in some extreme cases, meal preps. If you even find yourself eyeing up your flatmates shelf licking your lips, take a breath, check yourself, and even UberEATS something if you really are that desperate.

And if you find yourself on the receiver end of the, in my opinion, lowest form of selfishness that can happen, I have two strands of advice for you. In my most irrational thinking, I would recommend confrontation. But I can also provide tips for the more rational among us. If the problem persists, I recommend keeping any non-perishables in your own room, and using clear labels on all your foods. And if this person really does NOT know when to say when, I would absolutely recommend getting your college management involved (if you’re living-in). Or threaten legal involvement: food theft is a crime in the UK.

Bin rotas are essential

Another aspect reliant on the acknowledgement of the house’s collective responsibility to general chores are the bins. Students are prone to binning food for multiple reasons: didn’t read the use by date when buying, a failed cooking experiment, or accidentally burning the food they should’ve kept an eye on. This therefore makes the act of taking out the bins a frequent task. Moreover, an important one, due to its attribution to mouldy smells.

For this I recommend a strongly and clearly written bin rota. Black and white, can’t be missed and stuck above the bins. This forcefully reminds people of their responsibility to their waste! If you know your flatmates well enough, you can even put a punishment on there too, maybe buy a round at the pub, pay a fine, or even worse: go to Jimmy’s sober (eek).

Knock first – always

Lastly, following on from my overall slightly irrational advice to confront issues face-to-face, I cannot stress enough to please NOT forget to knock on said wrongdoer’s door. No matter how diabolical the dishes or how overflowing the bins, do not let your anger or frustration get the better of you by barging into their room. While it is most definitely going to affect the presumably already tense relationship you have between each other, you do not want to walk into a scene that will definitely ruin said relationship. This advice goes for everyone in general: let’s all respect each other’s spaces!

Overall, I will emphasise the importance of being empathetic to the other people in your flat. This term is notoriously the worst of them all for every year group. ‘Uni becomes university’, and everyone is on edge from academic pressure and lack of vitamin D. Do not make people’s time any more stressful with smelly dishes or loudly guffawing at 3am on a Wednesday than it already is. We are all in the same boat!