Here are seven things at Lancaster scarier than any ghost

Look, we’re all for a scare or two over the spooky season, but some aspects of Lancs have us in fight or flight mode all year around.

Whether it’s seeing a single-decker 100 pull up to the Underpass or having to climb up to Fylde D floor for a seminar, we battle our biggest fears almost every day. It brings us some peace to know that we’re not alone in our distress, so here are seven things at Lancaster that are scarier than any ghost.

1. The Spine between lectures

Oh, so you want to get to your lecture? Tough luck, the Spinewalkers have it out for you. The horror-inducing concept of trying to get from Management to County South in 10 minutes is already enough to have us hiding behind our sofa. Add walkers slower than Freddy Krueger into the mix, and you’ve got fear to rival any Halloween movie victim.

2. The Spar queue at lunch

It’s a jumpscare. Every. Single. Time. At least you can spot the Greggs queue as it’s out in the open, so you can effectively judge from afar whether to get a sausage roll or not. Once you set foot into Spar, you’re in it for the long haul. Not only is the queue hidden in the middle aisles, so you don’t catch it until you’ve already done half of your shopping, but you don’t really have another option until the Co-Op opens on South Campus. Good luck.

3. The new parking charges

Most Read

‘Sinister’ David Harbour note to Lily Allen resurfaces after her damning claims in new album

Explaining Madeline, a Lily Allen and David Harbour divorce album song about the other woman

The episodes are changing slightly again – so here’s the MAFS UK schedule for this week

Very little needs to be said about how terrifying these new parking charges are. Going from free parking 6pm-8am weekdays and all day weekends, to 24/7 ANPR cameras, is not for the weak. If your Halloween costume is a parking meter, we’re putting the car in reverse. 

4. The underpass on a Wednesday

This entry isn’t even related to the buses. For those of us under 5’5, the underpass is a terrifying place on a normal day. Add costumes and drunk people into the mix, and a Wednesday is hell. Especially when it gets to Halloween, and you’re fighting Pennywise and Jesus to get to the front of the queue.

5. The city’s one-way system

There’s something equally as frightening as the 100 for non-drivers, and that is Lancs’ one-way system. If you want to get to the other side of the road, I’m afraid you have to spend your entire student loan on petrol and take a tour around the city before you reach your destination. Oh, and don’t even get us started on trying to get to campus in bad traffic (P.S. you won’t make it).

6. The smell

As amazing as it is to live in the countryside, we also have to tackle the occasional smell of manure that haunts South Campus. I’d rather come across a ghost than have to walk through that stench at 9am. No offence to the Lancashire cows!

7. Booking a library room

There aren’t many things more terrifying than fulfilling your library room booking. It’s so terrifying, in fact, that we have had to divide this final entry into two parts:

7a. People who don’t leave their room on time

Deciding whether or not to go into your room to remind the people in there that they now have the room booked is one of the most tense feelings any Lancaster student will experience. Having to go in and claim your territory when the previous occupants won’t leave is both fear-inducing and incredibly frustrating.

7b. Trying to make the most of your booking

On the other hand, the next people to have your room booked often decide that it’s a good idea to linger outside for 15 minutes before their booking even starts. It’s like sensing a presence watching your every move until your time is up. Extremely uncomfortable. Gives us Conjuring vibes.

For more of the latest news, guides, gossip, and memes, follow The Lancaster Tab on Instagram, TikTok, and Facebook.