What your favourite Newcastle pub says about you

Osborne road makes us all indecisive at times. With so many options in walking distance from our lovely Jesmond, our tricky Tuesday choice becomes a reflection of how we want the night to go and who we want to encounter. Each place attracts a certain type of student – which one are you?

This list, albeit a tad stereotypical, is your fool-proof guide on how to answer the all too familiar yet simple question your flatmates will throw at you at least once a week – “Pub?”:

1. Osbornes/Soho Jesmond:

   This is the starter pack pub, birthing our infamous £2 Tuesdays (despite the slow but sneaky 50p increase – we see you, Soho). You can’t help but love this place yet recent trips have made me question my youth, running into people I forgot would inevitably turn 18 and making me feel as old as my nana.Whilst you can rely on the cheap drinks and banging Brack Burger which is sure to fix a hangover, the increasingly fresher-filled crowd might steer you in a different direction. A trip here can often be seen as a big night out in disguise. You are kidding yourself if you think you’re not going at least to Hobo after the 2 trebs and a jägerbomb combo inevitably sways you.

2. Spy Bar:

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   Social secs wouldn’t be seen anywhere else bossing about their eager freshers in silly costumes, to down as many baby Guinness’s as humanly possible on a Wednesday sports night. The bartenders always look fed up – probably because they’ve seen your costume a thousand times already. It seems a sin in Newcastle not to have a Spy card and why wouldn’t you with the crazy offers – 20 percent all week? Yes please. The decent dance music allows you to boogie the thoughts of how stupid you look dressed as a Smurf mid-week away. Once you get past the funky mystery smell (it’s gym bro sweat and cheese FYI) it actually becomes quite the atmosphere. It certainly was a safe haven for myself after I embarrassingly crashed my car outside (eek) and had to drown my sorrows afterwards. P.S who remembers when the outside umbrellas just caught on fire?One thing you’ve got to love is the mutual agreement that no matter what you are dressed as or how silly you look – no one will bat an eye in spy.

3. Jam Jar:

   Whilst it’s one of the more expensive pubs on Osborne Road, their IPA selection is second to none – you’d hope so after just paying a mortgage for one. The cute interior attracts both indie wannabes and rahs who performatively drink Stella in their skinny scarfs. Perfect for their post little Waitrose shop pint.The creative types drag their mates in by insisting that Jam Jar is quirky but definitely not in a over-gentrified way. They always end up scolding the posh, despite being just as pretentious and just better at masking it. They’ll probably have a pint together later, bonding over how they both study random courses they only picked because it sounds cool.

4. Phoenix:

   This establishment has a soft spot in my heart and I’m sure many of you would agree – whether it’s for a game of pool, a pint of Guinness or watching the footy, Phoenix has it all. While it might be a bit more of a mature crowd (AKA the third years whose creeping sense of reality is kicking in), the beer selection will have anyone in awe. They sometimes even treat you to some live music if you’re lucky, which students often crash and treat as their very own karaoke session – so eager they can’t even wait till Hobo!The deals might not be as good as other venues but the bartenders are dressed like fancy penguins which is sure to cheer anyone up. Decorated with enough NUFC memorabilia to make Alan Shearer blush, this place is perfect for those second and third years desperate to escape their academic responsibilities.

5. Bar Blanc:

   Don’t enter these doors unless you’re prepared to be swarmed by rugby lads who have probably been there since the 11am rollover. This sports hub becomes a total maze after a few pints, dotted with giant men in schöffles offering you snus every other second in attempts of flirting.The bartenders secretly love the chaos of deciphering whether the rugby social sec will pay for his freshers round of Fosters because he said they smashed the initiation challenges (the answer is of course, no). They have so many TVs you’re not sure where to look, all of course playing the footy. Their VK deals attract hoards of sports teams you didn’t even know existed all rocking up in questionable but matching outfits. Blanc is the perfect excuse to keep the party going any day of the week! Just be prepared to have your drink spilled by a rugby lad or two.

6. Hüs:

   For those who are new, you might not remember what once stood in its spot before Hüs livened up the scene at the end of Osborne Road. However, many of our elder students, who just can’t bare to leave uni and engage in proper adulting, will have fond memories of its predecessor – RIP Quattros. Anyway, times change and before you know it you’re a third year, baffled that somewhere on Osborne Road finally stays open until midnight. And not only that, but does two for £12 Aperol’s which make you feel just that bit classier. Hüs is that happy medium – you want to be social and don’t want the night to end but have just enough self control not to head into town. Inevitably, coming here is either the start of a huge night out or the sensible close to what could have seen you missing your 9am and crippling hangxiety about what you texted your ex.

7. 97 & Social:

   This place can be described as none other than Hinge date central – 2 for 1 cocktails, awkward small talk and date friendly zero judgement atmosphere. Don’t let this deter you, if you’re lucky enough to be taken here on a first date, take the flattery and politely ask how many siblings they have.Whilst being situated at the more sophisticated end of the road, this doesn’t stop them from having unreal roast dinners on a Sunday to cure the Saturday night scaries. If you’re not the dating type, not to fear, there’s plenty of options for you and the girls. Why not get tipsy amongst their taco selection over a well needed catchup? Whatever the situation, 97&Social might be on the pricier side but provides that ideal first impression neutral you might need. And if all else fails, at least the cocktails are yummy.

8. The Lonsdale:

   West Jesmonder’s are known for a few things – their loyalty to using their pop card on the metro, cheeky trips buying god knows what in the little Sainsburys’ and never ever missing the Lonsdale quiz. No matter how many housemates, course mates or randoms you add to your team, you will never out quiz the wholesome Geordie dad’s who bring their A game every time and have niche knowledge about almost everything under the sun. Half the fun is playing anyways, right?If you are lucky enough to win (in any capacity because at the end of the day, a win is a win) you almost always spend it on another round anyways. At the every least, it might teach you something knew that sadly you’ll probably forget after your next pint.

9. Holy Hobo:

   Everyone and their mother will have a story to tell you from a Tuesday night in Hobo – that’s once they get through the treacherous queue line. The late night disco tunes will have you dancing away your deadlines and you might even sweat off some calories from how hot it is in there. If Hobo is where you find yourself more often than not, you are the cool flatmate with arguably the better music taste in the group.There is always one you lose to the karaoke room no matter how drunk they are and only see when they’re dragging you up for a duet. One seems to have been in the queue for the loo and even made new friends to overcompensate. The others will be too busy busting their best moves in hopes of a free drink to notice. And if you end up seeing yourself on the instagram in the morning, don’t panic it means you’re hot x

10. As You Like It:

    The lesser known sister of Hobo, As You Like It seems to be pushing to take some pressure off its neighbour by offering live music and 2 for 1 cocktails. While you might be sceptical, this choice differentiates you from the younger crowd with their brimming optimism of the 1 in 1 out rule of Hobo, opting for the realistic option to revive the night before the queue sobers you up too fast. Work smarter not harder people! If you are the leader who redirects the group here after failed hopes of Hobo are crushed, you are responsible for keeping spirits high before the spirits do that for you inside. This person is high risk but high reward and is often seen as spontaneous, with it often working in their favour.

11. The Hancock:

    Everyone knows what it’s like to finish a huge day (or night) in the Philly Rob and feel a calling for a well-deserved pint. This pub screams academic validation – it’s where all the STEM students congregate to relish in their peers equal stress levels to comfort themselves. Architecture students could practically do shifts here in between the trips to the Studio to cheer them up.Perfectly situated on the way home from campus, it entices even the most dedicated of us for a quick reward to help us push through our deadlines. Who can resist if you’d be going past it anyways? It would be rude not to!