Madame Web reviews, ranked by how absolutely savage they are

In a catastrophic web of cinematic disaster, Sony’s latest Marvel offering, Madame Web, has been brutally eviscerated by critics, earning a pitiful Rotten Tomatoes score and igniting a frenzy of ridicule across social media platforms. With a dismal 16 per cent rating on Rotten Tomatoes, Madame Web finds itself ensnared in the depths of cinematic infamy, ranking among the lowest of the low in the pantheon of superhero movies.

#MadameWeb is Rotten at 16% on the Tomatometer. Here's what the critics are saying about the new Spider-Man spin-off. https://t.co/AA6a0wxZpB

— Rotten Tomatoes (@RottenTomatoes) February 13, 2024

It’s so bad, it’s almost worth watching just for the reviews and memes. So, here’s a rundown of the reviews from the mildest to the most savage:

5. ‘A Marvelous Mess’

The Hollywood Handle serves up a lukewarm review, labelling Madame Web as a mess rather than a marvel. They critique the film’s forgettable characters and mediocre CGI, describing it as, “yet another superhero film with poor writing, sloppy CGI, and mediocre acting.” Not exactly a glowing endorsement!

‘MADAME WEB’ earned $6M on its opening day at the domestic box office.

The movie had a $80M budget.

Read our review: https://t.co/0s4GgNpJpI pic.twitter.com/uEihMx6mIH

— The Hollywood Handle (@HollywoodHandle) February 15, 2024

4. ‘So much worse’

Rolling Stone delivers a savage blow with their review of Madame Web, dubbing it as “so much worse” than expected. They tear into the film, declaring, “Madame Web is a genuine disaster that falls far below expectations.” Ouch!

REVIEW: ‘Madame Web’ Isn’t as Bad As You’ve Heard. It’s So Much Worse.

🫠https://t.co/DPZU0iPxDP pic.twitter.com/MIynYRM9nF

— Rolling Stone (@RollingStone) February 13, 2024

3. ‘A laughable affair’

NBC News lands a brutal hit with their assessment of Madame Web, highlighting its failure to capitalise on its meme-worthy moments. They emphasise that not even the much-memed line could salvage the disaster, indicating a film that missed the mark by a long shot. Critics branded the film “dumb and schlocky” and “a laughable affair.” Fair enough!

happy valentines/madame web day pic.twitter.com/cOuLz02Mw9

— zach silberberg (@zachsilberberg) February 14, 2024

2. ‘A hollow Sony-made Spider-Man spinoff’

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Variety serves up a scathing review, likening Madame Web to a cheap knockoff toy with none of the charm of the real thing. He criticizes the film’s lacklustre plot and unconvincing visual effects, stating, “Madame Web is a hollow Sony-made Spider-Man spinoff with none of the charm you expect from even the most basic superhero movie.” Jeez!

#MadameWeb has "ill-defined powers and nothing especially interesting to do."

Dakota Johnson "seems to suspect she could be caught in the next 'Catwoman,' covering her bets with eccentric line readings."

Read @AskDebruge's review: https://t.co/O942CMbeg4 pic.twitter.com/HWsSlpUNjq

— Variety (@Variety) February 13, 2024

1. ‘A desperate comic book misfire’

The Independent delivers the final, most savage blow, branding Madame Web as a desperate comic book misfire. They leave no doubt about their disdain for the film, stating, “Madame Web is an $80m film with the quality of an unlicensed superhero painted on the side of a carnival ride.” Burn!

Madame Web branded an ‘embarrassing mess’ as Dakota Johnson film finally surfaces https://t.co/NNmfnGM4Xm pic.twitter.com/tMVF5feeJI

— The Independent (@Independent) February 14, 2024

Bonus Ranking:

Forbes adds insult to injury, labelling Madame Web as the worst comic book movie to date. Harsh, much?

Early reviews for ‘Madame Web’ are in. Here's what critics are saying: https://t.co/oBmYgB4II1 pic.twitter.com/1rDvMOjc0r

— Forbes (@Forbes) February 14, 2024

As the dust settles on this superhero spectacular disaster, Madame Web serves as a glaring warning sign for future filmmakers diving into the superhero realm. With its abysmal reviews and dismal box office outlook, this ill-fated adventure into the Spider-Verse is a reminder to tread carefully in the world of studio-driven franchise-building.

Lesson learned: With great power comes great responsibility… to make a good movie!

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Featured image via Sony Pictures