Seven cocktails to remind you why your exes are in fact exes this Valentine’s Day

It is Valentine’s Day and for all those who don’t have a date at Spags, why not spend the day remembering all the reasons why your exes were the absolute worst. Here is a short list of cocktails that will make you grateful you are no longer with them.

Disclaimer: Maybe avoid drinking these all in one night, however, if all seven unfortunately apply to you, I can only apologise and wish you better taste.

1. Crocodile tears

Idea: Blue lagoon with your choice of crocodile sweet floating on top

This one is to commemorate the gaslighting ex who had a little more *flare*. They may have cried down the phone to you about missing you whilst cheating behind your back in Babs but we move on! Make this cocktail to remind yourself to never feel like such a fool again.

2. Stalker

Idea: Pina colada with eyeball sweets

This is for the ex-talking stages who seem to appear everywhere that you are: Marketplace Tesco’s? College bar? TLC? Coincidences? You think not. Just make sure those beady floating eyes don’t trigger any late night “I miss you” messages.

3. Hot n’ cold

Idea: Woo Woo with a blue curacao shot on the side

In Katy Perry’s words, you’re hot then you’re cold – who knows exactly how they feel about you, they certainly don’t! So what if you’ve been happily dating for a month and then, out of the blue, they shrug you off? Or if they come crawling back the next week in Jimmy’s smoking area pretending that nothing happened? Label them as emotionally unavailable and drink to finding a partner who actually appreciates you.

4. Rebound

Idea: Long island iced tea in a red solo cup

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This rebound was exactly like a long island iced tea; never a good idea, messy and ended in tears.

5. Bare minimum

Idea: Vodka shots

Your first date was at The Library wasn’t it? This one’s to commemorate those exes who just couldn’t be bothered. Drink up whilst thanking yourself you’re not crying over no card and flowers this year.

6. Immature

Idea: Sex on the Beach

You took your time to realise this one but eventually, after seeing the state of their house, cooking them meals and having one too many arguments over when they last changed their bedsheets, you recognised you had become their (uni) mother. Just like a sex on the beach, this ex needs to grow up.

7. Communication problems

Idea: A charcuterie board

Oh, this wasn’t what you meant? – A Durham Special.

What I hope for you to take from this is a fun Galentine’s and not, in fact, a Durham bucket list.

Related stories recommended by this author:

• What to do for Valentine’s day (Durham edition)

• How to spend Valentine’s day solo in Durham and not lose your mind

• How to beat the January blues in Durham