Why does everyone at Uni think I’m posh?

I’m not posh, I’m just from the Midlands

Until coming to university I had never experienced such strong stereotypes of students depending on where you come from. Back home in the disappointing city that is Coventry I was just another working class girl who went to school, came home and slept all weekend.

But at Portsmouth it’s a whole new ball game. Not only is Coventry ‘North’ according to anyone south of Oxford; I dread to think where you think Newcastle is if the Midlands is North. But I’m also posh. Now I don’t know about you but I define posh as drinking champagne like it’s going out of fashion, buying £1000 handbags because thats apparently a sale down from £2000 and speaking your own made up language that only your Henley Regetta ladies can understand.

Dinner time. You join the girls at the table to gossip and catch up with everyone’s day, pick up your knife and fork and begin to eat. You’ve made one fatal mistake already, the muffled laughing and staring makes you wonder whether eating pizza with cutlery isn’t what ‘uni students do’.

Is it my fault if I want to avoid looking like some kind of starved animal when I’m eating as the most elasticated cheese in the world refuses to break off when you bite into it. A favourite wind up of theirs, lets ask a question just as you take a bite. Eyes water as their laughing becomes hysteria as I desperately to try chew at the speed of light as I refuse to talk with my mouth full of food. I mean who wants to chat with someone who recreates their dinner on the table every time they use the letter ’T’ through the art of spitting?

I think everyone would agree when I say that by far one of the worst parts of university is the constant need to clean. Whether it’s the kitchen, bedroom or bathroom we’ve had the biggest shock to find out that cleaning fairies don’t exist and you can’t just click your fingers and pray that they’ll clean themselves. However hope is not lost, to my fellow ‘posho’s’ I have found a use for your flat mates. Why would one ruin one’s brand new manicure or dirty one’s this season Armani jeans? Whether they haven’t still haven’t cleaned the pot you told them to 2 weeks ago or seem to have never seen a mop in their entire life, this is payback. This way you are a home from home, its like you never left and hey you’re helping decrease the levels of unemployment right?

Now University can be a very tiring experience and it’s only sensible to cut corners and save energy where you can right? So if your friends are willing to save you the huge trek that is Trafalgar Hall to Eldon building it would only be stupid to refuse. I’m sure they wouldn’t want their tiny little posh friend to collapse with exhaustion as one would have one’s own chauffeur to drive one everywhere back home and so it’s simply working with what you’ve got.

And so to all you students who really are Northern or have become posh thanks to your newly acquainted friends… There is plenty of fun to be had with taking these stereotypes to a whole new level. Good luck and go get your posh on.