Seven things all Exeter students should definitely be giving up for Lent

Don’t worry, this does not include your weekly venom

2 months ago

That’s right – Lent has come around again and so has the time for us all to give up our vices. From a recent interaction with a Christian at my door, selling me the words of the Lord, I’ve learnt my soul is definitely doomed. So, I’ve taken this year’s Lent as an opportunity to prevent my ultimate damnation and yours too, one vodka Red Bull in Vaults at a time.

1. Vapes (Lost Marys in particular)

This one is likely to get some backlash, I know. Now, we have all indulged in the sweet taste of kiwi passionfruit guava on a dreary Monday morning library sesh, not to mention a weekend full of fruity clouds in the TP smoking area. Don’t get me wrong, these little plastic pockets of promised happiness certainly do deliver, providing a necessary comfort in the form of an adult dummy during the slog of deadline season. However, is it worth the sandpaper throat in the morning and the fact that your mate will definitely nick it and keep it for themselves? Really, that two for £10 Saunders steal is money down daddy’s drain.

2. FIXR

I don’t know if we can technically give up on FIXR, when it has already given up on us. The troublesome EGB drop has us all in turmoil and quite simply, we’ve had enough. Those naughty little gremlins working behind the scenes on this odious ticket vendor had us all in a chokehold at 6pm – two weeks running, leaving us no option but to put our faith in trusty Overheard. Truthfully, it really is your best bet of snapping up a Hijacked, Fight Night, late entry TP ticket or dare I say, an enchanted evening at Shobrooke Park. You will, to my dismay, get inevitably overcharged or scammed but that’s part of all the fun and experience.

3. Going back with a fresher

Breaking news: Laf doesn’t want you back.

I feel like this is a serious subject that needs to be addressed. Let’s all remind ourselves that these individuals have been 18 for a mere six or seven months and have barely entered the realms of adulthood. I mean let’s be honest: Their first Exeter night out was definitely a zoo party in Zinc. Sharking is out, but for those of you that struggle to identify a fresh here’s a few tips:

ALWAYS ask for ID (or proof of iExeter to avoid the dreaded college student).
Undoubtedly these sneaky little freshers will try to pass off that they’re at least a second year. So, if you start to walk past Lafrowda Cottage – retreat!
Their choice of post-night out scran is Master Fryer or HotSpot. Everyone knows the chicken shawarma cheesy chips from Efes is where it’s at.

If you are reading this from the perspective of a first year student however, have you no shame in bringing someone back to your crusty blue bedsheets, singular flattened pillow and prison walls?

4. Texting your ex

We’ve all been guilty of this and you’re lying if you say you haven’t. It’s easily done, especially after bumping into them on the top floor of TP with what looks like a fresh trim and sparkling new white Air Forces. But do yourself the favour – ignore the red snaps sent your way and resist yourself from writing an “I miss you” text every time you smell that familiar scent of Dior Sauvage. You’re only prolonging your pain and realistically is it them you miss or the Spotify playlist you can no longer listen to?

FYI – don’t listen to your favourite songs with a significant other.

5. Takeaways

A little hint: If the Dominos delivery driver knows you on a personal level then you’ve got a problem. We’re students, of course we like a cheeky takeaway here and there because pesto pasta doesn’t always cut it. But, let’s take this lent to not only save money, but also diversify our palate because I know we can do better than Wagas and KFC.

6. Infatuation with Scott, THE Pret guy

Wake up ladies and gents! He’s got a girlfriend.

I think Pret has given Scott up for Lent, because where is he? It’s been a while since our corneas were blessed with the sight of Scott’s triceps and maybe that’s for the best. We must move on from the unattainable and be pleased for his lucky lady.

7. Vomming after a night out

Arguably, it’s a right of passage. You find yourself at 3:30am with your head down the toilet surrounded by the comfort of your housemates and the remains of the kebab you don’t remember buying, wondering where it all went wrong. How many venoms were too many? Did I really sink eight Jägerbombs? Two questions we should refrain from asking ourselves this Lent in an effort to find our limit.