Guessing who the five Tory leadership contest hopefuls want to win this year’s Love Island

There are two things that dominate my train of thought during every waking moment right now. Okay, actually there’s three – the third is the heat. The other two are Love Island and the Conservative leadership contest. Two very different subject matters that demand very different types of my attention, although more often than not they illicit equal levels of anger and frustration. Both divisive, both feature a showcase of idiocy, both leave me more or less aghast. This all got me thinking about merging these two worlds together – who do the five Tory wannabe prime ministers want to win Love Island 2022, who do they leave their debates rushing home to vote for? Well, I’ve cracked it. Here’s a thoroughly well thought out guess at who the Conservative leadership contest candidates want to win Love Island 2022!

Penny Mordaunt
Andrew and Tasha

Penny Mordaunt seems to flip flop about a lot when it comes to what she’s said regarding trans rights. She previously said she believed trans women are women and trans men are men, because, y’know, they are. Now she says… Something else! She probably feels right at home amongst Andrew and Tasha who flip flop about on their relationship more frequently than I have hot dinners.

Rishi Sunak
Billy and Danica

Dishy Rishi, as we had to endure him being called throughout the disastrous Eat Out to Help Out scheme during the 2020 era of the pandemic, was taken in by Wetherspoon’s advertising. Fitting then, that he’d have been all over Billy’s suit that he wore for the movie night premiere which was an exact replica of a Spoons plate. Maybe it was in tribute to Rishi, maybe not. I also have a hunch that Sunak would be all over Danica’s HR ways. Loves a corporation that one!

Tom Tugendhat
Adam and Paige

Tom Tugendhat loves telling everyone how he’s something new. Not inexperienced! Not without cabinet experience! Something new, guys! Considering Adam and Paige are the most something new vibe in the villa right now, and not only that, but they’re quickly becoming the best couple in the villa. The lesser of villa evils. Tom Tugendhat is also probably the least awful option of Tory leaders amongst an awful bunch, so it’s all adding up.

Kemi Badenoch
Luca and Gemma

Kemi loves going on about old fashioned values, being the hardest right Conservative in the leadership contest, so I’m sure she loves how much Gemma has spent Love Island talking about family values. Luca’s toxic ways are right up Kemi’s street, I’m sure!

Liz Truss
Molly-Mae and Tommy Fury

I don’t think Ar Liz has a clue.  She’s still voting for Molly-Mae and Tommy. Nobody tell her.

For more politics and current affairs follow our new channel Agenda on Twitter.

Related articles recommended by this writer:

• The Tory MP who flicked her middle finger at people outside No.10 is now in charge of unis

• A definitive ranking of the Tory leadership election campaign videos from least to most nauseating

• Meet Kemi Badenoch: The PM hopeful who misgendered trans people and mocked LGBTQ+ rights