The trials and tribulations of living in an all-boys house as a girl

If you can handle brutal honesty, this life is for you


I can confirm that living with boys at university is not as glamorous as it seems in New Girl. 

When it comes to choosing your housemates at university making the right decision is absolutely crucial, at the end of the day you have to live with these people for a whole year.

If you’re unsure about your future living arrangements, let me sell living with boys to you.

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Boys don’t rile you up as much as girls 

If I come home from a long day at uni (usually 3pm-5pm), and I’m absolutely raging about Tina on my course, who has made a comment about my hair that I have read far too much into.

I would recall the conversation with my friend Cassie on my way home to which her response would usually go something like this: “what a fucking bitch, no one likes her, she’s just jealous.” About 10 more minutes of deep psychological analysis into why we think Tina is such a bitch I’m then ready to tell my male housemates about what happened.

After repeating the story to my male housemates the response is extremely different. The response tends to go something like: “wait, so what did you say you’re having for dinner tonight?” or “sounds long, what episode of Breaking Bad are you on now?”

The conversation is instantly diverted and I have forgotten about the whole thing. You may sometimes doubt they weren’t listening to you at the time as they’ll probably be playing Clash of Clans on their phone the entirety of the conversation; however, 3 weeks later they’ll tell you how Tina smiled at them in Popworld and they ignored her, ultimate shade.

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You gain a new vocabulary

It’s like living with urban dictionaries, I’ve learnt so many new words ones, the verdict is still out whether I’m comfortable with these words yet or not. “Chebs,” a word referring to breasts, is a word I am undecided whether to laugh or cry at. A common phrase amongst my male housemates: “she has massive chebs,” usually responded with “I think they’re just foobs.”

“Foobs,” is another word for describing breasts on a slightly overweight girl and they are the size that they are due to the fat having nowhere else to deposit itself.

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They are usually found like this 

Before I explain this next adjective, I want to disclose my housemates are not sex offenders.”Green bananas,” this one is usually used most when we got to Nando’s on a Friday night and 18-year-olds have had the same idea. They have the potential to be 10/10’s when they’re older but they haven’t fully ripened yet.

One night stands and hook ups

I literally live for these. Whenever I decide to stay in and my housemates decide to go on a night out, I wake up in the morning and the first thing I do is check my messages to confirm whether they have pulled or not. If it is the affirmative, I am on it, galloping down the stairs to hear the newest gossip.

Nine times out of 10 they’ve made it up and just have cuts all up their arms from when they decided to climb a tree on their lonely walk home.

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However, when they are, they are always absolutely tragic accounts. Boys leave no details out so I know I’m in for a criminal reconstruction with hand actions and bed movements included.

I was wrong in thinking bowels used to be something people don’t discuss

The more you react disgusted when they fart on your leg, the more they do it. The more you try and laugh it off, the more it becomes the norm. It’s a no win situation.

Discussions of bowel movements becomes general dinner time conversation. Whether it’s regarding the last time they went, or stories of having to use receipts because they’ve ran out of toilet paper no details are exempt.

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The speakers are taken into the bathroom, the YouTube videos are saved and ready to watch, you know they’ve spent all day looking forward to this moment.

Boys are dedicated gym buddies and don’t flake

Boys are serious about going to the gym, getting swoll and getting those gains. Girls usually resort to Chinese take away and reality TV if they’ve had a stressful day.

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Boys are just not into taking 100 photos at pre drinks

This is not an option when you live with boys, they make you think it’s a good idea to go for a run at 5am, and make you feel really guilty when you eat bad food.

You can give them major fashion advice and they listen

Everyone knows if girls were able to dress boys, statistically they would all look 1000 times better. Buying them a nice shirt for their birthday from Topman is always a good idea because they have to wear it.

Going shopping with them is great, you can vicariously spend money through them. Picking up a nice denim shirt and saying something like: “oh my God, this would look so good on you Tom,” is a guaranteed buy. A follow up “if you wear this to Astoria tonight you’re gonna pull,” is a the final lock in.

They give their honest opinion

You’ve just ordered gone ham on Topshop.com and you’re delivery arrives today, you try everything on and ask them what they think. “That top makes you look a bit chub,” massive bullet wound to the ego, but you brush it off because you know it’s true.

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Thank God you didn’t keep it and everything thinks you look obese on a night out. Girls tip toe around giving their honest opinion, they don’t want to offend you, they will just say behind your back how ugly the top is you ordered to someone else.

 

They will always have your back

Most the time they may seem like they are genuinely not bothered about you. They will make you go into the living room first if they think someones broke in, or laugh at you when you need stitches in your toe.

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However, they always make sure you get home OK or track you on find my friends to check. They’re a good shoulder to cry on and you can always rely on them for advice, how good this will be is debatable. Living with boys will be the most interesting and best experience of your life and I recommend every does it.