YIKES! These are the worst things Durham students have ever cooked

It’s official: Your housemates have exposed you for the scary things you’ve been cooking up. We get it – starting at uni usually means cooking properly for yourself for the first time. There are bound to be some learning curves and silly kitchen mistakes made sometimes. These submissions, however, are frankly unacceptable.

Disclaimer: If your recipes are in here and I happen to have brutally insulted your food, please don’t hurt me. Maybe direct your energy towards learning level one cooking skills.

Without further ado, here are our top picks of things you should NOT do in your Durham University kitchen:

Plain boiled rice, hand-torn cheese slice and pre-cooked chicken

First on the list is this questionable creation. Sent in by the creator’s housemate, this meal looks to be the combination of all the random things you have left in the fridge when you’ve run out of actual meals. Yikes! We’re definitely leaning towards “ban” on this one.

Hot chicken, cucumber, spinach, and cheese pasta

Created by one of my very own housemates, this piece genuinely makes me shiver. The chef behind this piece confirmed they “confused cucumbers with courgettes.” Personally, you couldn’t pay me to eat this… My cooking 1, Cheryl’s cooking NIL.

‘Casserole’…

This one is an exception because it was not created by a student. Nay, this suspicious dish was served to students at a Durham college. Personally, if that’s all that’s on the menu I’m eating out that day…

Instant noodles, doner kebab meat, and a BuzzBall

I mean, I guess you’re getting a couple of food groups in..? Though by “a couple” I really do mean “a couple.” The only redeeming element of this dish is the accompanying BuzzBall because The Durham Tab loves women-owned businesses and high alcohol percentages x

A collection of things

I’ve used a vague title for this culinary creation because I genuinely can’t tell what’s happening on this plate other than that it’s spiritually disquieting. What on earth is on the left-hand side of the plate? Why is there a bowl on the plate like the cereal is a dip for the suspicious sausages? The questions are endless – and so are the atrocities committed in this kitchen.

Burnt spaghetti

The lovely accompanying caption here is apt. I’m not sure how you’ve managed this… But if it makes you feel any better, my housemate last year managed this feat too. You may have the cooking skill of a freshly generated Sim, but at least you’re not alone.

Cookies?

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You get points because the concept wasn’t inherently bad (cookies are great), unlike some of the combinations on here. But unfortunately it looks like you forgot half of the ingredients. And you lose the gained point for the proximity of the onions (?) in the back. Also, you may want to invest in some baking paper or tin foil, because that would have saved you an hour of scrubbing alongside the disappointment of opening the oven to find this.

Toast and Peperami

You know it’s bad when this one probably wins meal of the article.  The cheese on toast unironically looks class. The other kind of cheese on toast (rogue, but we can respect the commitment to the bit) also looks quite good. The composition, however, is just rather depressing. At least you gave some mind to your protein.

A soup?

Collection of items in broth? Not really convinced by this one. This is not your first offence though, so points are lost: This person is also responsible for the scary sausages and cereal – as well as the one you’re about to see…

The stew of bones and despair

I have no idea what this is even meant to be. A sort of horrifying twist on a stargazey pie? This may be the worst one on the list because genuinely what? Thankfully, we have been told, the creator of this item was banished from cooking as a result of their culinary crimes. You can breathe out friends, the stew of bones and despair can’t get you any longer.

Pasta alla random items

Not as heinous as some, but just why? That can’t be a good combination. At least you’re getting one of your five a day though. That seems to be an achievement worth celebrating in the context of this devastating article.

Peanut and banana sandwich

Inherently a bit rogue, but the way this has been put together is comedic. Ever heard of a knife? Why is the banana just chilling there… whole..?

Bolognese sandwich

Spiritually wrong, but probably wouldn’t taste as atrocious as some of these. The problem is the fact that you clearly had the produce for two meals here: What’s wrong with either toast or spaghetti bolognese? I just don’t understand the urge to merge…

Featured image via TikTok.

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