Are dating apps tricking you? In conversation with dating app founder and Cambridge students

More than 68 per cent of people in the UK have used or are currently using dating apps, according to Nevine Coutry.

Surely the statistics must be similar among Cambridge students. The founder of dating app Play Date came to Cambridge last term for a fire side chat with the behavioural insights student society. With Valentine’s day coming up soon, The Cambridge Tab contacted her for an interview about dating, and dating apps.

Nowadays, emotional connection can be found online, Nevine explains, through digital connections that can even be easier than meeting someone in person. Reciprocity —knowing the other person is attracted to you— can make people feel more attracted in turn. In dating apps this is very much leveraged, through matches and mutual expressions of interest.

For people who are shy, knowing that someone is interested in you before starting to chat can also be a real confidence booster, Nevine explains.

The issue with apps

However, dating apps come with a number of issues. They can lack authenticity, as people put their best foot forward “like for a job interview”, Nevine says. This erodes people’s trust in each other and in the app. 

The demand to swipe left or right immediately upon seeing someone’s profile can also create fake urgency. It also causes people to be more “unfair” to potential partners and become more “shallow”, concentrating on physical appearance. This focus on looks and first impressions can be difficult for many, and doesn’t reflect what we’re really looking for in partners. 

Some dating services are also trying to keep you on the app for as long as possible to generate more revenue. There’s a lack of trust in dating apps nowadays.

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Nevine explains: “The algorithm is there to benefit the business and not the user.” Her dating app, Play Date, is more organic. It gives users the whole list of people matching the filters they have set so they can study profiles in their own time.

Dating apps in Cambridge

As a student of Sidney Sussex writes, dating apps in Cambridge are a great opportunity: “I think on the whole people can be very pessimistic about the dating scene in Cambridge.

But on the whole I would say I’ve had more positive experiences than negative ones.” After all, Cambridge is a unique opportunity to live in a community of like-minded people.

After all, in the UK, around 20 per cent of British students meet their long-term partner in university, with 35 per cent finding a romantic partner of some kind. Statistically, things are looking good for you!

In Cambridge many decry dating apps, especially considering the many options for meeting people in real life.

“Call me a traditionalist, but dating apps have never been for me,” another student at Sidney Sussex said. “For students here, Cambridge presents the best opportunity to find that special someone. From lecture halls, to the college buttery to the dance floor at Revs, count your blessings!”

It’s true that the amount of social events during term is already overwhelming, and meeting someone face to face can help decide quickly if you are compatible.

Another Sidney student adds their opinion on dating apps. They use Hinge, that they especially recommend for the ‘pause your profile’ feature. It seems that their luck fell through for dating, but the experience was not all negative.

“Even though it led to no romantic connections, I formed many good friendships with people of similar interests in Cambridge, which is hard to do on other apps,” they told me.

In the end, dating in Cambridge is what you make of it. From in-person social events and random encounters in the library to dating apps, everyone can find what fits them.

Advice for using apps

So advice does Nevine Coutry give to people using dating apps? 

“Make sure to meet in person as soon as possible,” she says. It can help figure out if the attracting you feel at first is real, or manufactured by a dating app to keep you chatting. 

“Be clear about your intentions for the relationship, and be authentically yourself.” Indeed, after meeting in person, your real self will come out. No need to agonise over the perfect pictures or first message.

“It’s not a game, you don’t have to win,” Nevine also tells people using dating apps. Some apps “gamify” dating, with a number of matches people want to increase. It has eroded people’s trust in profiles they see. It has also made use less authentic, making it harder to actually get a relationship out of chatting on the app. 

She also warns about fake profiles. In her app Play Date, Nevine has implemented strict identity control, including face recognition, to ensure all profiles are trustworthy. She also ensures that all reports of dangerous activity are dealt with quickly. But in many apps, some people may be lying: At best about their lack of hair, but at worst even about being human! AI bots are certainly becoming more realistic. They can even manipulate us by fitting their answers to what we want to hear. 

One in five of UK’s couples are estimated to have met online, so perhaps your future partner is waiting for you on the apps! But while you swipe, remember to be wary of the traps laid out for you by dating apps manufacturers and users both.

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Featured Image via Unsplash and Nevine Coutry