Understanding the infamous student ‘crash-out’

An integral part of the university lingo, the “crash out” is defined by the urban dictionary as “going insane or doing something stupid.” Strong resonance with this experience leads me to consider myself a subject specialist; therefore, I will share here some of the classic, character defining “crash outs” that are all too familiar to students.

The deadline season spiral

Imagine this: You have three 2,000 word essays due by the end of the week, have not progressed past week two of content, let alone started writing. For some, the dull, despairing eyes in the mirror may prompt a moment of realisation followed by a surge of motivation and resilience, this is not the case for you. Instead, a singular thought traverses your mind: “Would I look good with a fringe?”. Glancing to your desk, you see two things: Your laptop, displaying a blank word document and, lying next to it: A pair of nail scissors.

A week later, assignments may have been submitted to a more or less acceptable standard yet, you have not emerged unscathed and an interesting new hairstyle memorialises this particular crash out.

Denying the crash out by means of alcohol

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There is always a less enduring solution to the torment of impending deadlines – escapism. Put the crash out on hold and arm yourself with a bottle of Sainsbury’s own-brand vodka. How could drinking away your sorrows possibly go wrong? As if by magic; or at least a combination of sticky club floors, flashing lights and pop bangers, all previous woes are erased. There is no recollection of a crash out as you scream:“Call me maybe!”, on the dance floor. Little do you know the only call you will be receiving is one from attendance come Monday morning.

The misleading crash out

This crash out can be deceptive, operating under the guise of self-improvement. In moments of dread many of us have turned the gym to appease our guilt. Not forgetting that the student budget, the cheapest gym in Bristol is the obvious choice (the fact that it is 40 minutes away and you do not have a bus pass is of no concern).

A matching gym set amounting to four weeks groceries is clearly an essential element of this self-transformation. Perception of reality during a crash out is warped, such that hitting the gym for two hours every day of the week becomes a perfectly reasonable goal. Upon return to reality, that 40 minute walk is simply not happening. Dreams of a six pack soon becomes a financially punitive reminder of your own laziness, omnipresent on your bank statement.

The crash out induced expedition

When faced with the overwhelm of university, the phrase “touch grass” often comes to mind; surely a relaxing walk could be beneficial? Not in the midst of a crash out it’s not. A breath of fresh air soon morphs into clambering down cliffs, navigating winding paths, and dodging crowds of drunk Bristolians outside V-Shed. Under the cover of darkness, lit only by a phone on 11 per cent charge, conveniently situated three miles from home, a relaxing stroll quickly becomes a quest worthy of a Bear Grylls documentary. Make sure to drag an unwilling flatmate along – safety first and all.

On a more positive note, I present: New module, new me. The unique appeal of university means that with every 20 credits we are offered a chance at redemption. A fresh slate, one on which missed lectures, late submissions and group project rivalries are a distant memory. Each new release on Blackboard is a peace offering. Leave that crash out in TB1. Here it did not happen and will never be mentioned.