How to lock in as a third year in Bristol

As grad scheme deadlines and coursework due dates creep up this November, it’s easy to bury your head in the sand, pretending they don’t exist. Then suddenly it’s December and the only smoking area you’re in is the steps outside the ASS. If, so far, your third year has been an amalgamation of missed lectures, hangxiety and denial about the impending “real world” – here is a 4 step guide to transform you from your friend groups liability to a semi-functioning adult (or at least someone with a degree… hopefully).

 Sneaky links to LinkedIn: delete hinge and download LinkedIn

We’re all guilty of mindlessly swiping through dating apps like hinge and Tinder, as if they were a variation of subway surfers, hoping to find a tall but not too tall, attractive but not intimidatingly hot, funny, kind, and intelligent future fling. However, as third year slowly slips away, it’s time to come to terms with the fact that your future husband is not posing in budgy smugglers under the prompt “Typical Sunday”. Whilst I admit the thought of leaving university as single as you were when you came is scary; NEWSFLASH: nothing is as terrifying as the current job market. This is the time to take those borderline offensive likes and humbling rejections as redirection… to delete all dating apps from your phone.

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Put your pride to the side, download LinkedIn, and get connecting. That girl you haven’t spoken to since your maths class in secondary school – connect, the weird guy you drunkenly met in the smoking area and blank every time you see in public – connect, your housemates’ parents – say it with me now, CONNECT! You have to put the work in networking and why get hung up on some Bristol finance bro turned DJ, a work crush is so much more fun.

P.S. Feel free to connect with me on LinkedIn (I’m desperate.)

Get a job: being the unemployed friend on a Tuesday loses its charm after a while

It should be slowly dawning on you that that silly little thing called an overdraft has actually been real money this entire time, and soon enough you’re going to have to start paying it back. Start making your CV and get creative. You need to realise that your part time job pouring pints was actually you single handedly ‘strengthening your community by fostering a social hub for people to connect’. Remember, that one time you babysat for your neighbours was really you ‘gaining a nuanced insight into child psychology and development’. Never let the truth get in the way of a great CV.

Get those steps in and start marching up and down Park Street, handing in your CV to every member of staff (probably trying to serve 1000 customers in the morning rush) and force them to promise to put in a good word with their manager. Alternatively, if you are a slightly more shameless individual, rumour has it that the infamous Revolut man has graduated – meaning there is a gap in the market (and ASS) with your name on it. Charge your phone, get some cash out of the ATM, and start harassing every student you see.

Get your nose out the bag and in the books: make the library your permanent residence

Winter is coming and as your flat reaches sub-zero temperatures and your housemates refuse to turn the heating on, what better time to make use of the free heating in the university libraries. Luckily, the ASS has reopened so there is no reason to be pulling an all nighter at Lakota when you can now be on your grind 24/7. No need to bring anything with you as the vending machines have an alarming selection of ancient confectionary (albeit lacking in a nicotine vending machine).

Take this opportunity to remove all bad influences from your life and replace them with neeks, excuse me, academically gifted individuals. In the words of Jim Rohn “you’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with” so buddy up with some engineers, vets or medics (whichever tickles your fancy) and wave goodbye to your social life. Trust me they will jump at the chance to make new friends; especially if you let them over explain how they use Notion or Anki. Warning: do not invite them for a post-lecture pint or they might spontaneously combust.

Get creative: procrastinate by coming up with new adventurous ways to lock the F in

A quick scroll on TikTok makes it apparent that the inability to lock in is an epidemic. From printing off images of Malala Yousafzai to motivate yourself into working, to listening to Mario Kart music whilst revising, people are coming up with all sorts of strange ways to force themselves to focus. Here are some ways to “Bristolify” these weird and whacky trends:

• Print off pictures of famous Bristol alumni: James Blunt to Julia Donaldson; Bristol has a vast catalogue of influential ex-students. Print off a picture of your favourite successful alumni and stick it to your desk to guilt trip yourself into revising. If Mr Blunt can write bangers after a heavy fishies night, you wisemen can make that Thursday 9am.
• Instead of listening to coconut mall from Mario Kart, play said “Bristol finance bro turned DJ’s” music while writing an essay. The ear perforating tunes from the questionable drum and base will be sure to get you to finish your essay just that little bit quicker.