A definitive ranking of Durham pres drinks (and what yours says about you)

Pres at Durham are an important business, even with cheap Quaddies on offer. And, of course, they also offer deep psychological and sociological insights into your mindset. Every choice you make at pres says something about you: whether you’re clinging to first-year nostalgia, trying to prove your sophistication, or just embracing the chaos of a Tesco value bottle. So, here is our definitive ranking of Durham pres drinks:

12. Cider

Please grow up and leave the Kopparberg ciders where they belong (at a sixteen-year-old’s first house party). The sickly fruit scent is merely a reminder of teenage B.O. and poor choices. Low on alcohol, high on regret. Inches Cider is slightly more acceptable, if still too sweet for my taste, and Ace tastes like cardboard. You have to do better.

11. Alcopops – Hooch, VKS etc.

Look, we all love a VK. Whether in a boat race, or the famous Collingwood Stagger, they are a Durham necessity. However, if you’re looking to get ready for the club, this is not the drink for you, unless you like that sugar-fuelled crash-out at the end of the night, in which case, a J20 is about as effective. If you drink this, you’re fun and fruity, but potentially not in it for the long haul.

10. Jager Bombs

They’re a fun addition to any night, but more than three in a row is pretty punishing. The heart-pounding head-rush of too many Jager bombs is a sensation best left to the imagination, but hey – at least you’re still dancing by the end of the night, even if your energy is getting slightly frantic.

9. Buck’s Fizz.

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At only £2.65 in the Tesco Market Square, the Buck’s Fizz bottle is a rousing addition to any pres. Not the most alcoholic but if you drink this you carry a feeling of Celebration and classiness that is nice to look back on when you hit the least classy nightclub in Europe – Klute (not confirmed by any official sources).

8. Straight Spirit

It gets the job done, but where’s the fun and whimsy that often accompanies a badly mixed student drink. Half the fun of a pre-drink is discovering weird and wonderful flavour combinations, from whatever your flatmate has left in the fridge. You’re no-nonsense and to the point – and possibly the planner on your night out.

7. Vodka Red Bull

This is a drink that scares me. All my fears about Jager Bombs are turned up to an 11 with vodka Red Bull, mixed with the generous proportions of a Durham student. However, many reliable sources tell me that this is their go-to drink on a night out – for both energy and fun, so who am I to argue? If you drink this you are probably a great addition to a night-out, and maybe even the one who takes your more sozzled friends home.

6. Red Wine

Much respect if you can get through a bottle of cheap red wine without actively grimacing your way through it. Your classiness is only slightly let down by the obvious red staining on your lips, which your tipsy friends have ‘forgotten’ to inform you about.

5. Beer

Those who drink beer are similarly playing with a straight bat. Dependable and never lets you down, if slightly unoriginal. Beer drinkers are frequently reliable on a night-out, and very low-key when they’ve gone slightly over the limits. No dramatic crash-outs here, only glazed, slightly wandering trips to the bathroom every twenty minutes.

4. Gin Lemonade

An under the radar drink that I only discovered late in the year. It’s missing some of the bitter harshness that comes with its vodka counterpart and carries the same fun fruitiness of a VK. If you drink this, you’re looking for a good time, even if you may slightly overestimate your heavyweight qualities. Bonus points if you use the pink variants.

3. Tinnies

With varying percentages, alcohols and flavours, tinnies are something of an alcohol roulette – which in my mind makes for a highly entertaining pres. If you’re bringing the tinnies then you’re the life of the party, ready with drinking games and a penchant for chaos.

2. White wine

A personal favourite, particularly if you’re afforded the luxury of being able to refrigerate your £5 white wine from Tesco beforehand. After a term of perusing the bottom shelf wines, you’ve convinced yourself you’re something of a wine connoisseur (just the sauvignon please – I wouldn’t dream of touching that chardonnay). You love to yap, and your flamboyant style leaves you with the best stories by the end of the night.

1. Squadka

Squadka (or Squashka) is a truly superior pres drink. The only limit to the flavour is your imagination. Although you remain convinced that you are the first person to dream up this concoction, you’re generous to a fault, and always willing to share. You bring good vibes, plenty of drinking receptacles and a willingness to see the night through to its end.

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