Um, there’s now a real Bonnie Blue musical and it’s more unhinged than her challenges combined

Apparently, Bonnie Blue has now reached the level of fame where musicals are being written about her, and while her 1,057-man challenge was undoubtedly shocking, the song about it is arguably more unhinged.

I would love to go back in time and tell Poundstretcher worker Tia Ballinger that she would one day be boinking thousands of men on the internet under the alias Bonnie Blue. I’d also spill her millionaire future because that’s the first thing any retail worker needs to hear to get them through their eight-hour slog.

The Bonnie Blue musical is centred around her biggest stunts

This week, actor and writer Joseph Beach posted one minute of pure unbridled chaos as he unveiled a song from his Bonnie Blue musical alongside three other musical theatre aficionados. Standing on a brightly lit London stage, Joseph and his co-stars – one of whom was in a blonde wig as Bonnie Blue – began to belt out a reworked version of RENT’s iconic track, Seasons of Love.

As we know, the usual lyrics read: “Five hundred twenty-five thousand, six hundred minutes/Five hundred twenty-five thousand moments so dear/Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes/How do you measure, measure a year?”

But this Bonnie Blue we’re talking about, so the lyrics were, of course, changed to: “1,057 fully erect roadmen/1,057 c**ks in my vag/1,057 fully erect roadmen/How do you measure the state of my gash.”

“In daylights, in sunsets/In midnights, in cups of coffee/In inches, in miles/In laughter, in strife,” the next line of Seasons of Love sings, with Joseph and crew changing it to, “From students/To old men/To incels with lots of money/When finished, my mummy cleans it up.”

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One of Joseph’s co-stars then jumps in with: “No, seriously. Look it up. She actually did that.”

The starting lines then play out again with the added, “How do you measure how many men I’ve f**ked?” and “How about, cummmm.”

I was going to say that the girl playing Bonnie Blue, believed to be @ratgirlem, was the star of the show, but that was until the final few moments when another performer entered as a Guinness World Records judge.

“I’m from the Guinness Book of World records, and Bonnie Blue, you son of a b*tch you did it,” he joked to raging applause from the audience.

I’ve watched the clip maybe once or twice (eight times), and now I just have to see the entire thing. I’ve got some thoughts to: Defying Mothers instead of Defying Gravity, Money Shot instead of My Shot from Hamilton, and All That J*zz instead of All That Jazz. Call me, but I want a writer credit.

You can watch the full video here: Bonnie Blue The Musical 

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Featured image credit: Joseph Beach