Meet Evie and Maddy: the new Editors in Chief of The Cambridge Tab

In a move that has shaken the very cobblestone foundations of student journalism (read: mildly surprised about five people and Tab HQ), The Tab Cambridge has unveiled its new Editors-in-Chief: Evie, a fresher with more word documents than sense, and Maddy, a second-year who’s been in the game long enough to spell “Magdalene” correctly without looking it up.

They’ll be taking over from the formidable pairing of April and Anna, who are stepping down after a reign defined by Tab socials, chaotic memes, and journalism (but mostly the memes).

April and Anna’s departure has triggered widespread mourning across Cambridge, mainly among people who pretend to read Varsity but secretly refresh The Tab homepage with religious devotion. The outgoing editors have reportedly left behind a cursed USB stick, empty Pringles cans, and 37 drafts of The Real College Rankings (Again). One was last seen weeping as she hit “Send” on her final pitch email; the other disappeared into the night in a leopard-print coat, muttering “never again” at a Revs bouncer.

Meet your new overlords

Evie, a bright-eyed, bushy-tailed English fresher from the Midlands (a place rumoured not to exist), brings a potent mix of literary flair and complete disregard for deadlines. She’s most commonly spotted watching Bridget Jones’s Diary and crying into a Tesco meal deal. Despite the “not really holding it all together” vibe, her prose is said to “cut like a knife and taste like Guido’s wine”—exactly the energy you want from someone reviewing evensong.

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Maddy, by contrast, is the grizzled second-year veteran who’s seen it all: the freshers’ week breakdowns, the 3am panic-pitches (“What if we ranked the porters by vibe?”), and the slow, soul-shattering realisation that The Tab does not have an office—only an Instagram password and a Google Drive folder ominously labelled “MAYHEM.”

They’re known for their wit, their liberal use of the word “feral,” and their longstanding vendetta against Varsity’s font choice. (“Why does it look like it’s printed on parchment?” Evie once demanded during a late-night editorial meeting, slamming down a Pret latte whilst brandishing a pdf file.)

A new era (but let’s not get carried away)

The new editorial team promises a “bold new direction” for The Tab Cambridge, which, sources confirm, is “literally just more content.” Maddy has expressed interest in deepening the paper’s investigative journalism. When asked what that might involve, she said: “Probably asking people weird questions outside Mash until someone breaks.”

Evie, meanwhile, is keen to revive essential columns like “Which College Would Win in a Bar Fight?” and “Should I Break Up With My Boyfriend or Just Change Course?” She’s also launching a six-part exposé on hash browns across college butteries, tentatively titled Butterygate.

There are murmurs of a joint effort to rank all of Cambridge’s life drawing classes? Stay tuned.

Both editors remain devoted to The Tab’s founding ethos: causing minor chaos and occasional campus fame in exchange for absolutely no money. When asked why they took the job, they answered in unison: “We crave attention.”

Varsity: the other one

No Cambridge Tab article is complete without a respectful jab at Varsity, Cambridge’s Very Serious student paper that proudly claims to be “Cambridge’s oldest student publication”—as if that’s a flex. (We get it. You were founded in 1947. So was instant coffee.)

Sources say Varsity’s editors were last seen holding a meeting in a candlelit garret, sipping Earl Grey and chanting “objectivity” as an incantation. Meanwhile, Evie and Maddy are planning their next editorial meeting at the Van of Life, furiously googling whether the Daily Mail counts as a reliable source.

Legacy of the girls who came before

April and Anna leave behind not just a dynasty, but a legacy of journalistic gold, including:

-The college the Traitors S3 contestants belong to, because where else would Queen Linda go than Queens’?

-Coverage of the biggest news story of Lent term, Girton releasing a LEGO set of course!

-Two international women’s day articles, celebrating women at Cambridge, past and present

Their final act? Handing over the meme folder—a sacred archive of screenshots, reaction gifs, and cursed Canva graphics. 

What to expect

Evie and Maddy have big plans. Among them:

– “Which Type of Vape Are You Based on Your College?”

– A “Tab Tarot” to predict your academic downfall.

– More aggressive coverage of niche college drama. (“If there’s beef in the MML WhatsApp group, we’re going to find it,” promises Maddy.)

– A return of the “Overheard in Hall” series, featuring anonymously submitted quotes from people who clearly should not be allowed to speak in public.

– A once-a-year event where we rank library crying spots by acoustics.

Their final editorial pledge? “We won’t publish anything until it passes the ‘would I want to read this while pretending to revise?’ test,” says Evie. “Also,” adds Maddy, “we’re banning the phrase ‘quintessentially Cambridge’ unless it’s 100% ironic.”

Long live The Tab

So, with April and Anna off to brighter things, the torch passes to two new agents of anarchy—armed with vibes, a shared Google Calendar, and the ever-present Tab group chat. Will Evie and Maddy usher in a golden age of memes, mischief, and mild scandal? Only time (and the Easter Term content drought) will tell.

One thing’s for sure: as long as Cambridge students are deeply unserious people doing deeply serious degrees, The Tab will be here, lurking in your DMs asking, “Hey, want to write about how your DoS ghosted you?”

Let the chaos begin.