Here are all the types of people you’ll find on Hinge in London

Sorry in advance to everyone that wears a Schoffel…

7 months ago

Hinge – a trigger word for many, harvesting feelings of anxiety from past dates that ended with no text back.

London – the best city in the world, and a setting for some great characters.

Mixing the two together is certainly interesting, and we can’t deny the classic stock personalities we come across on our online dating adventures. Here’s our official list of the types of people you’ve definitely swiped left on at some point in your London studies, for better or for worse.

The London Local who will definitely offer to be your tour guide

Hinge is full of Londoners itching to use the line “I can be your tour guide” – and it’s not cute, it’s cringe.

If it’s summer, beware of multiple invites to Hampstead Heath or London Fields. Don’t get me wrong, they may be nice, but be careful – do you want all the places they show you to be tainted by their memory when your relationship with them inevitably ends?

The nice one you won’t reply to

Admit it – There’s always that one person who’s just nice, and that’s about it.

You can’t critique them because they haven’t done anything wrong (unless you call being boring a crime) but at the end of the day, they’ll probably get aired because their main chat was repeatedly asking you how you are.

The “I went to South America on my gap year and it changed my life”

It’s almost as if some people don’t hold a British Passport and are merely nomads living in South America and Asia – or, at least, that’s what their Hinge says.

From £60k to £1.5million: How much the I’m A Celeb 2024 campmates are being paid

Tulisa ‘raging’ about I’m A Celeb axe and has wiped all evidence of the show from her Insta

Right, here’s how popstar priest Reverend Richard Coles made his secretly whopping fortune

It’s all fun and interesting until you find out they’re actually from Sevenoaks and they’ve now moved to London to sell their souls to capitalism.

The one who’s “just visiting”…

London is a hub-spot for tourists from places as far as Australia (even though half of them don’t really stay tourists) and as close as Milton Keynes. For some of them, the Hinge game never stops – and how can you blame them?

But when that person appears on your screen saying they want to “have some fun” whilst they’re in the city, consider the consequences. You have been warned.

The London Club promoter who thinks they live in Mayfair

Let’s keep this one short (like your chat with them): they’re going to try and chirpse by promoting some painfully average, overpriced club in South West London, bragging about the amount of Ciroc they can snag for your table.

But let’s not be silly, you’ve got to bring your good-looking mates, too – nothing is free in London, not even dating.

East London’s scampi fries & orange wine-drinking creative

They’re not from London (which is obvious because they live in East) but they’ve most likely paid their dues. They’ll offer to take you to Jolene on Essex Road before nipping to the Army & Navy because it’s one of the good pubs that is also showing the Arsenal game (win-win?).

If they haven’t got a scrunchie in their hair, they’ve definitely got some Uniqlo socks or Dr. Martens 1461s on their feet – perhaps a fashionable flirt is for you?

Image credit: https://pin.it/2Ic5vSRPw

The Celebrity

How can you live in London without bumping into a celebrity on Hinge – they’re not all on Raya!

They may seem like a nice person at first, with the overly humane message they send you to remind you I am just like you, but when you realise the only thing they blab on about is which celebrity numbers they have on their contact list, you should probably run as fast as Paul Mescal the morning after.

The one who’s from Knightsbridge but pretends they’re from Edmonton

Repeat after me: a Nike tech fleece or Y2K vest top cannot hide the fact that you wear a Schoffel on the weekend.

This character is itching to be anything but privileged, and whilst doing so inevitably falls into loads of uncomfortable stereotypes. Welcome to London, where rich kids desperately want to cosplay as the working class.

As scary as the online dating scene can be, don’t fret! Your person is out there…you may just have to rummage through some horrifically cringe ‘rizz’ to find them. And, as someone who’s in a successful Hinge relationship (one and a half years and counting), keep your head high as well as your standards.