Here’s what Easter egg you are based on your University of Nottingham hall

Easter Sunday is rapidly approaching, and if your family is still letting the Easter Bunny come round to visit you at the big age of 18 and upwards, you’re probably looking forward to getting a certain sweet treat tomorrow morning. Chocolate eggs are a staple in any Easter celebration, and over the years the variety of eggs you can get has multiplied significantly. Now, you can walk into any major supermarket and gasp at the wide array of Easter surprises – and the astronomic prices they’re being set at now thanks to good old cozzie livs.

In typical Nottingham Tab fashion, we’ve decided to assign everyone Easter eggs depending on that all-important factor: your halls. So buckle in and get ready for some violations (sorry Beeston Hall) and/or appreciation for your excellent choice of accommodation.

Cripps

If you live or have lived in Cripps Hall, I’m sure you’re used to the constant Tab violations thrown your way, and this article is no different. You’d be a Lindt Easter egg, specifically a milk chocolate Lindor egg. It’s quite nice, but the obvious choice if you’re a Tory: just like Cripps. The Swiss chocolate will remind you of home – that is, your second home in the Swiss Alps.

Hugh Stewart

Hugh Stewart residents would be another very extravagant Easter egg: the Selfridges Dark Chocolate and Pistachio egg for £99.99. Of all the Tory types on UoN campus, Hugh Stu hosts the most.

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With entire wardrobes from North Face and Urban Outfitters, the best baccy daddy’s money can buy, and brand-new MacBooks every time a new one comes out, the only thing the inhabitants of this ivy-covered dark academia dream is missing is a kitchen fully stocked with Waitrose groceries, as it’s fully catered. To make up for this loss we know you’re suffering, we’ve decided you’d be a £100 Easter egg that us mere mortals take the piss out of, but secretly all wish we could afford as it does look delicious.

Nightingale

A plain Twil Milk Easter egg would suit most people in Nightingale. Traditional, dependable, and pretty good tasting, but any child waking up on Easter Sunday for their parents to hand them a Twirl Easter egg (not even the orange one, literally one of the most bog-standard chocolate eggs available), they’re bound to find it a bit disappointing – just like Nightingale!

Lenton and Wortley and Derby

These two halls get the same egg, purely because they give off the same vibes – mid. Residents of Lenton and Wortley or Derby Hall get a Lidl Easter egg, but one of those ones in the “Once it’s gone, it’s gone” aisle. It’s surprisingly quite fancy-looking but because it’s from Lidl it just isn’t as deluxe as it claims to be.

Beeston

Sometimes I wonder if I’m too mean about Beeston Hall, but then I remind myself that the residents literally choose to live in shipping containers. You don’t even get an egg – you get a supermarket’s own brand milk chocolate bar. You’re probably just happy you get to have your own food instead of having to migrate to other halls for your meals.

Broadgate Park

Creme Egg Easter eggs would work well for Broadgate residents. Like living in Broadgate, you either love or hate Creme eggs – you either got lucky with an ensuite and a fancy new kitchen, you compromised and got a double bed but had to live in Lower Court, or you really got the worst end of the deal and you have a single bed, shared bathroom, and centuries-old shared kitchen.

Creme eggs are similar – you either love that white gooey cream in the centre of that milk chocolate egg, or it makes you feel sick just thinking about it.

Dagfa

Dagfa is one of those halls which is pretty niche, but still quite Tory. These off-campus halls are marketed as townhouses rather than flats, they have giant TVs in the communal kitchen, and you have to have a code to get into this exclusive gated community. If you live in Dagfa, you’re a personalised chocolate egg from Not On The High Street – it’s as unique as Dagfa, and just as posh.

Ancaster

The final hall with a designated chocolate egg is Ancaster, home of the loaded international students. These residents would be an egg from Hotel Chocolat – fancy but modern. The faux-Frenchness of the brand reflects the multi-cultural Ancaster population, and it’s posh but in a more understated way (unlike Cripps and Hugh Stu).

Related articles recommended by this author:

• How to have a productive Easter as a Notts student 

• Why Lent should be a time for trying new things instead of giving them up

• Things you’ll only remember if you were a Covid-19 fresher in Notts