Things you wish you had known before going to uni

It’s not all party party party

Freshers’ Flu

It is likely that before heading off to uni you heard of this elusive illness. Is it real? Is it a conspiracy? Unfortunately, yes, it is real. And it will get you, bad. However the hardcore partier you consider yourself to be, a few nights on the lash will catch up with you and before long you will be stuck in bed with Netflix centimetres away and a box tissues readily available while the snot streams. It’s inevitable.

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Pre-drinks will be the death of you

The brutal stages of drinking that expose you to card and truth games, riddled with innuendos and drunken madness. You’ll be necking your voddy and coke while pouring a Sambuca shot into an egg cup while your mate is slurring on the floor about how much she fancies Dan on her course. You will chunder several times and FYI, don’t buy cheap vodka if you don’t want to die a slow, painful death.

School romances don’t last

Many of us leave Sixth Form with boyfriends and girlfriends who we think are the loves of our lives. We think we’ll go to uni, stay together and get married after we graduate. That we’ll be the exception to the long distance omen. How foolish we are. In reality, we get to uni and it’s more like bf/gf who? You’ll be thrown into a new pool of talent and your long distance relationship will begin to feel like a drag.

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You do actually have to budget

After being loaned a large sum of money, it is not surprising that we all decide to go on a mad one. 20 shots? Why not? £100 jacket? G’warn then. Freshers’ Week will not only plague your health, it will rinse you dry. So much so that you’ll be left questioning whether you can afford loo roll next week.

You should never sleep with your housemates

Perhaps the oldest rule in the book, which so many continue to break. Whether it’s a drunken shag or a friends with benefits type of thing, it’s just not a good idea. When it all comes inevitably crashing down, you’ll be the one tip-toeing round the corridor in fear you might bump into them. Or worse, you could actually catch feelings. Just go and meet someone in a club, it will save you a lot of faff.

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Cleaning is not just a made up phenomena that your parents invented

Unfortunately, it’s a reality. At some point in your uni career you will have to do some form of cleaning and your mum won’t be there to help. Whether it’s emptying the bin that has now become home to a stench so bad that you’re seriously considering dropping out, or trying to de-clog the toilet filled with your housemate’s shit – you’ll just have to suck it up.

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You will frequently be asked what you want to do with your life when you graduate

What job do you want? What will you do with that degree? All are a personal attack on character that leaves you questioning whether you should even be at uni. Hopefully you’ll figure out the answer, but until then you might as well get used to it.

It’s all downhill after first year

Despite all the unprepared shocks and awkward experiences you’ll have, it really will be one the most exciting times of your lives. So make the most of it, you’ll be devvo when it’s over and you’re a third year struggling to write that dissertation overnight.

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