Things about being a Liverpool student that would send a Victorian child into a coma

You may have seen the trend circulating around TikTok about ‘things that would send a Victorian child into a coma’, ranging from McDonald’s Sprite to Blue Razz Lemonade Elf Bars, but have you ever thought about what seemingly normal things to a Liverpool student would send a poor Victorian child into a coma?

Alas here is our very own, highly accurate list:

Fat frogs and Razz bombs

The two iconic drinks served in every student’s favourite Monday club The Raz are enough to send a fresher into a sugar rush frenzy so it would be game over for our Victorian child. Not only the sudden sugar intake, but witnessing the line of students necking back Razz Bombs whilst girls swarm the DJ begging for Starships to come on would be too much to take in. Sorry, it’s true.

AU nights

The infamous sport nights whereby hundreds of students miraculously appear on the 86 or 699 bus to town in questionable outfits ranging from ancient Greek Gods to carrots to pints of Stella. You may also find a fresher dressed as a cow knee-sliding down the aisle of the bus; normal for us students in Liverpool but this may be too much of a shock for the Victorian child and ultimately trigger a coma. 

Any takeaway within a mile radius of Concert square

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This is especially true on a Thursday or at the weekend, the Concert Square takeaways are something that once witnessed would instantly eliminate the poor child. Not only will there be someone passed out on a table with gravy smeared over their clothes, there may also be a dance battle occurring in the queue as well as two 18 year olds behind the counter trying to finesse some free chicken. It’s just normal to us at this point.

The sight of the Metropolitan Cathedral (Paddy’s wigwam)

A spaceship? A huge spikey building? Don’t ask me. I’m not even sure half of the uni students in Liverpool can actually name the Metropolitan Cathedral, and if we struggle to get to terms with it, I am sure a Victorian child wouldn’t understand this architectural spectacle either. 

Primark in Liverpool One on a Saturday

Do I need to say any more? The queues, endless floors and pounding music is too much for the average hungover student so I would dread the day a Victorian child would enter here.  It is not for the weak.

Walking to the top of Brownlow Hill

Any UoL student knows how absolutely exhausting it is to walk from the bottom of Brownlow Hill into campus. It enough to bring us out in a sweat so there’s no chance for the Victorian child.

The wind at Albert Dock

As much as the docks which were opened in 1846 may remind the Victorian child of home, one gust of wind and it is game over! One false move and they’d be blown straight into the Mersey.

Trying to navigate Canvas

After showing the Victorian child how to use a MacBook, the ever-confusing Canvas may be a step too far. I think they’d be finished as soon as the Duo Two-factor authentication notification pops up.

The temperature of the Sydney jones library

Whilst it is our favourite UoL library, the SJ is not the warmest of places, you’ll often spot students sporting multiple jumpers to sit all night doing a last-minute essay. The cold may prove too much for the Victorian child. Having said that, they may actually be able to cope better than us considering the conditions they lived in. So if in fact they do make it this far, fair play to them.