Five reasons you’re getting friend-zoned at uni

How to get out of the ‘platonic zone of nothingness’

1 year ago

Let’s face it, we’ve all been there. Getting on well with someone and you think there’s a bit of chemistry there but then comes the “you’re such a good friend”. Then, the “not another one” TikTok noise lives rent free in your head. For the rest of the week.

I’ve been grappling with a lot of friend-zones recently, to the point where a person I found immensely attractive and had a few dates with me asked ME for girl advice. Oh, and another friend who had been incessantly flirting with me told me he had feelings for another girl and how it couldn’t work because of “x, y, z”.

So, it led me to think about why many of us continually get stuck in the friend zone.

1) Commitment Issues

Coming in HARD at number one, probably the most common reason people tend to get friend-zoned or be the one friend-zoning is the fact that seriously dating someone long-term gives them the genuine FEAR. Something more fearful than the post-HIVE Friday morning scaries, or the look on your flatmate’s face when you tell them you slapped the ceiling in Beer Bar. During university, it’s a problem quite a lot of people have. It just means there’s more personal growth that needs to be done. Accept it and move on to someone who’s ready for something.

2) You don’t actually like them

Okay, now hear me out. Yes, you’ve been on dates with them, maybe gone further than kissing them under the pretty Ashton Lane lights. But maybe you don’t think they’ll be relationship material and you just (again) subconsciously give off the vibes you just want to be friends (or an FWB but let’s NOT get into how much of a bad idea that is).

3) You are too ready

This is a reason I’ve friend-zoned many a person (and I do stand by this). You’re too ready for a relationship and you just REEK of “please love me, I’m ready to be loved by you, let me put you on your story”. Right, for one, please slow down. You might be the loveliest person in the world and decent looking but no one likes someone who wants to jump right in. Remember when Victoria in How I Met Your Mother said the run-up to the kiss is sometimes better than the actual kiss? Well, that principle rings true for dating.

Sometimes the getting-to-know stage with someone is so incredible and magical and every other synonym that relates, that you don’t want to rush it. So, yes, you might like someone and they might give off the vibe they like you too but just take it slow and save yourself from ruining it after the first few hurdles.

4) They don’t think you’re into them

This sounds like a genuine head mash but there’s many a time that miscommunication can be the reason for many friend-zones and then once someone makes up their mind it’s hard for them to come back from that. Make your intentions true, and make them feel special (but don’t be too needy).

5) You’re not ready

As someone coming out of a relationship, I realised that maybe I’m not quite ready to date four months after the love of my life ripped my heart out and threw me out of an aeroplane with no parachute (please understand this is an analogy). Maybe subconsciously you’re just giving off vibes that you aren’t quite there yet and honestly that’s okay.