The ultimate ranking of every iconic character in the Barbie movie

Allan is the people’s princess

9 months ago

No cast has been casting quite like the cast of Barbie. The cast of Barbie, the Greta Gerwig culture phenomenon, has made going to see the film a landmark event thanks to their immense talent and deepest of commitments to camp performances and iconic line readings. Almost every character in Barbie had a moment that made you feel like they made the whole film theirs. With that in mind, here’s my ultimate ranked rundown of all the characters in the Barbie movie.

26. Mermaid Barbie

I left the cinema wishing Dua Lipa’s only contribution to the film was Dance The Night.

25. Ken (Scott Evans)

Not one of the more memorable Kens, I must say. Don’t really remember a thing he did. He truly is just Ken. (Derogatory).

24. Ken (Kingsley Ben-Adir)

Another one of the Kens that just didn’t have a lasting impression. Although I do remember seeing him roam about the Kendom a lot.

23. Diplomat Barbie

I adore and cherish Nicola Coughlan, and love that she’s getting her bag in one of the biggest films ever, but she faded into the background and didn’t really feel like a part of the core Barbies. A proper shame!

22. Sasha

Enjoyed the fact her and her mates were named after Bratz dolls, but she was just a bit of a moaner wasn’t she!? Give your mum a hug and cheer up, doll! Your mum is literal TV icon America Ferreira, where’s the respect!?

21. Writer Barbie

Another one of the Barbies that sadly falls by the wayside and gets swallowed up by the other girlies getting to do a bit more.

20. Merman Ken

Better than Dua Lipa in every way. Lovely wig. I love the storyline of how he got into the film, which basically consisted of him bumping into Margot Robbie in a restaurant and spontaneously picking up her bill. The Robbie then was like, hey, come play a Ken! History making.

19. Pullitzer Barbie

I like to imagine myself as this Barbie. My future. I get one for writing this.

18. Supreme Court Justice Barbie

She kinda slayed.

17. Physicist Barbie

There was meant to be a joke in the film about how Emma Mackey looks so much like Margot Robbie and that Emma was in the film with the joke in mind. For those who haven’t seen, Emma Mackey is in Sex Education on Netflix and Margot Robbie has said multiple times people mistake her for being in the show.

Speaking to Buzzfeed, Margot said “[Emma Mackey] plays one of the Barbies in the movie pretty much because Greta and I thought it would be funny. We were gonna do this whole joke about us looking similar. But once we got all dressed up as our Barbies, we were kind of like, ‘We don’t actually look that similar’. Like, when she’s got her brown hair and I’ve got my blonde hair, we don’t look that similar, so we didn’t put that joke in the movie.”

16. Mattel CEO

I saw a lot of moans about ‘Will Ferrell comedy’ on Twitter being a low point of the film, and normally I’d agree with you. But the whole Mattel bumbling idiots in suits gags kinda worked for me? Maybe I’m just becoming more basic in my old age, but I was tickled. I thought he was well cast. Also smirked at how much the Barbie plot lowkey is giving Elf and Will Ferrell obviously plays Buddy the Elf.

15. Aaron Dinkins

The way I just need him… I fancy him so much. A king. I’m obsessed with the fact the entire Sex Education cast felt copied and pasted into the film. We need Gillian Anderson in the sequel.

14. Midge

JUSTICE FOR AR MIDGE!

13. Lawyer Barbie

I just think it’s absolutely brilliant seeing Sharon Rooney’s unconventional ascent into a film like this, and she’s so likeable and watchable and brings a charm to Lawyer Barbie that makes her one of the most essential parts of the film even when she doesn’t have that many individually funny moments. Icon.

12. CFO (Jamie Demetriou)

The way this could be the most nothing part on earth but in the hands of Jamie Demetriou it’s comedy gold… his power.

11. President Barbie

Issa Rae getting that zinger f bomb shut the whole cinema down, I loved it. She was mothering so hard.

10. Narrator

Helen Mirren gobbled up this role into oblivion. She brought her iconic and soothing posh British vocals to the foreground and arguably had the best joke of the film when she broke the fourth wall and said “don’t have the role played by Margot Robbie.” My cinema screening lost its mind. Breaking into the top 10 Barbie movie characters ranked without even showing your face is icon behaviour.

9. Ruth

A tiny role but a moving one, made all the more so by Rhea Perlman’s warm performance. Ruth manages to be instrumental in making me cry like a baby for the final 10 minutes of Barbie, so she must be ranked respectably amongst all the other characters from the movie as tribute to that. I don’t make the rules.

8. Ken (Ncuti Gatwa)

Just the most beautiful man on earth who I would watch do literally anything. This Ken doesn’t even have that big of a role but thanks to Ncuti’s watchability you just can’t take your eyes off him. An angel on earth.

7. Doctor Barbie

Seeing a trans woman play a Barbie in the film is iconic enough, but Hari Nef brings such humour and energy to the role and has some of the best moments in the entire movie under her belt. FLATTTT! FEEEEET!

6. Ken (Simu Liu)

Love rival Ken! Luigi Ken! Low key petty villain Ken! Simu Liu is an absolute delight and watching him effortlessly rile up the Gosling Ken is a delight. Watching him smash the hell out of the dance routine to Dance The Night and I’m Just Ken is a pleasure. What a king.

5. Weird Barbie

I just think Greta Gerwig was so smart including this form of Barbie in the film and Kate McKinnon is the perfect casting. Every girl and gay has had a Weird Barbie they tortured and deformed, and seeing her splits her way around the film is so funny and also often surprisingly poignant. Weird Barbies rule the world.

4. Gloria

In lesser hands, Gloria could be one dimensional. In the hands of America Ferrera, she’s perfection. Relatable, funny, likeable and existential crisis-y – Gloria is the heart of the Barbie movie and of all the characters ranked here has THEE monologue that will be quoted by fans for years. Very legendary.

3. Allan

The people’s princess.

2. Ken (Ryan Gosling)

One word: OSCAR. Ryan Gosling pulls an absolute blinder with the way he makes Ken both villainous, lovable and sympathetic. I’ve seen lots of chat about how he steals the film, which I think does a disservice to the top spot, but I understand why it would be said. I never thought Ryan Gosling could be this silly and warm at the same time. Ken is probably the best written character in the film, too. He’s just Ken, but he’s perfect to me.

1. Barbie

I truly believe whilst this film is Greta Gerwig’s Barbie, it’s also equally Margot Robbie’s. The love and energy she puts into this film is remarkable. I’m a huge fan of Robbie’s anyway, but in this film she proved herself even more as one of the greats. The nuances she brings to the vapidity of Stereotypical Barbie and the way she plays her journey is just breathtaking. The entire bench sequence in the real world? I’ve got goosebumps thinking about it. Margot is this film, and this main character is the beating heart of what makes Barbie the movie a global triumph.

Barbie is showing in cinemas everywhere now.

@harrisonjbrock