Apprentice power ranking: Slime-oozing green bao buns are still better than the candidates

The Apprentice lurches in to its second week, and as the disciples followed Jesus – thus does the power ranking numero two follow the episode. I made no secret of the fact week one didn’t really hit anyway near as hard as I wanted it too, and I feel much the same about the bao bun infused sophomore episode. Made worse by the loss of our lord and saviour Claude, who had to depart the season due to illness – episode two was another flop. But rank we must, and rank we will. Here’s my power ranking for week two of The Apprentice 2023.

17. Bradley

Halving the price of bao buns from £8 to £3.80? Oh come on darlin’! You’ve got a task you’re meant to be winning here, my love!

16. Kevin

About halfway through this week’s episode, I looked at my laptop screen with a wise glint in my eye and muttered to myself “His days are numbered.” The number in question was 0 apparently, because he was bundled into a taxi home before nightfall. Yes, I’m an oracle. Why on earth would you not charge for your little garnishes? It’s… a profit based task.

15. Mark

Just bad vibes from this one, I fear. I feel like if I made on bao bun based suggestion he’d end up shouting at me.

14. Gregory

How the mighty have fallen. He was in his element going on about Antiguan cannons but watching him blob about in a blow up suit calling himself Mr Bao was degrading to my eyes.

13. Reece

I really didn’t like the little cheer noise he made in the boardroom. It made me dry heave. And then they lost!

12. Sohail

Honestly didn’t see a crumb of him all episode.

11. Denisha

Another vanishing act candidate this week. A ghost in the system.

10. Victoria

I really want to rank Victoria god tier because I’m a sucker for Scouse icons, but that maths saga made Rishi Sunak even smugger I fear.

9. Rochelle

Another maths horror scene. Nightmarish. If Karren Brady had to interrupt me to try and sort out my ratios I’d die on the spot. And I literally can’t do maths. Although, why they aren’t allowed to just use a calculator is beyond me.

8. Avi

Sorry but please can we give people a break for being shit at making bao buns on THE APPRENTICE. We’re not doing Masterchef here people! Cut him some slack! Why can’t the teams just tell some chefs how they want their bao buns making? On other tasks they tell graphic designers how they want their logos to look? Cut our king some slack!

Also, we go again with his weekly rap. Dare I say this one kind of slaps?

7. Joseph

How on earth he managed to convince the corporate client that the absolute mess state of the leaking green bao buns with scrawled dinosaur faces and marshmallows on was an intentional move to emulate the cute nature of what a child would make was literally a masterclass. I have no clue how he blagged it.

6. Simba

Strolled into Chinatown, spoke some Mandarin and flogged every bao bun in seconds. Even if the way he said “FfffffanTASTic!” should be made illegal, it was a power move on his part.

5. Shannon

Say what you will, but I think it’s punk rock to fire yourself with a line declaring “This is not the environment for me.” Shannon already runs a million pound profit business. She doesn’t need to listen to a load of maths squabbles. She’s had enough!

4. Marnie

Improved a lot this week! I like what I’m seeing!

3. Shazia

Thrilled to announce Shazia survived her stroke from last week! Go on gal! Loved the way she walked into the girls’ prize for winning with the campest “Oh wow!” you’ve ever heard. I sense that she’s going to become a bit of an Apprentice power ranking icon for 2023 if the last two weeks are anything to go by.

2. Megan

A PM who lead the team to victory with a slightly intimidating presence that even saw her tackling Brady in the boardroom. Harpreet teas, I love it.

1. Dani

Oh I’m going to have to stan on that one. She sold the bao buns like her life depended on it, and her upselling literally won them the task I reckon. High camp – the female Thomas Skinner. She should rename them bosh buns.

The Apprentice 2023 continues at 9pm on Thursdays, on BBC One and iPlayer.

For all the latest goss after week two of The Apprentice power ranking and for 2023 news, gossip and for the best memes and quizzes, like The Holy Church of Love Island on Facebook.

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