Important: Which item on the Wetherspoon’s menu is your uni?
Trent is a battered onion ring cos they love the sesh
Everyone has their favourite go-to at Spoon's. In fact, the menu and lunch deals are so encrypted into our minds, we're straight at the bar with our table number even before our bum has touched the seat.
You've probably know every single gourmet burger and side dish off the sacred menu, but have you ever delved deep into thought whilst enjoying your Spoons and wondered, "but what if my uni related to an item on this menu?"
You probably haven't, but that's okay! Because we're going to answer that question right now!
Aberystwyth – Lamb Shank
Everyone knows the weather is bad in Wales, making the grey buildings of Aber Uni even more dismal looking, just like an average looking lamb shank slopped on a plate. Plus, being in Wales, it had to be a sheep related.
Bath – Knickerbocker glory
If you attend Bath uni you're probably as posh as a Knickerbocker glory sounds. A Knickerbocker glory also sounds more impressive than it actually is, just like Bath did when you first applied.
Birmingham – Chicken Tikka Masala
Birmingham looks great on the league tables, and so does the chicken tikka masala on the Spoon's menu. However, when your Tikka arrives, you'll regret not ordering something a bit more exciting like a Jalfrezi.
Likewise, when you moved to Birmingham you probably had regrets after realising that it is also pretty average. After Freshers' Week, Snobs and Pryzm will become a chore and the novelty of going to the Bull Ring will have worn off. Even so, Birmingham is fairly consistent, just like your average chicken tikka masala.
Brighton – Teriyaki Noodles
You're so hip and artsy, just like Sussex but cooler. Teriyaki noodles sum up your unique, care free, party gal vibe. And they're probs the only thing cool enough to eat on the Spoon's menu, as they're obv on trend with being vegan, you know.
Bristol – Grilled halloumi and sweet chilli wrap
Bristol uni resembles a halloumi and sweet chilli wrap, as the saltiness of the halloumi is similar to the person you became after being rejected from Oxbridge.
The spiciness of the sweet chilli represents your rebellious inner self, which was unleashed when you escaped your sheltered private school life to come to Bristol, smoke rollies and spend daddy's money on ketamine during a big one in Lakota.
Cambridge – Spicy coated king prawns
Cambridge are king of the league tables, hence why they get the spicy coated king prawn status. And they're also extra sassy when it comes to reminding Oxford they're often second in world league tables.
If you're lucky enough to grace the grounds of Cam, you'll probably be used to dining on the finest king prawns, as you've been served them multiple times at your dinner parties and balls. Rah.
Cardiff – Chips with curry sauce
Chips and curry sauce is a staple for those who live in the Diff. Do you even go to uni in Cardiff if you've never ended a night out down Chippy Lane, tucking into a big tray of chips and curry sauce after a night out on St Mary's Street?
De Montfort – Eggs Benedict
De Montfort sounds good as it has a posh name, but in reality it's actually quite average and is stuck in Leicester. Eggs Benedict also sounds great, but in reality, it's also just a big disappointment: Egg, ham and a weird yellow sauce? I'll pass thanks.
Derby – Bacon roll
Everyone who goes to Derby uni is definitely from the Midlands, and it is the bacon roll of the unis. You want it when you're hungry, but it's actually quite plain. Similarly, you want Derby when you're hungry for a place at uni, because it gives out unconditionals – but it isn't actually that great.
Durham – Sirloin steak
Durham is superior enough to be a steak, however, it isn't the most premium cut. Like Bristol, most of Durham's finest are Oxbridge rejects and so have embarked on the next best thing. You'll also definitely be tucking into this kind of dish in your tweed suits at the Champagne Soc ball.
Edinburgh – American-style pancakes with maple syrup and bacon
There are so many American tourists clogging up Princes Street, Edinburgh could genuinely be in the States.
Exeter – Madagascan Vanilla cheesecake
Exeter uni channels Madagascan Vanilla cheesecake vibes, as majority of the people who go there have probably visited Madagascar. This cheesecake is the grandest thing on the Spoon's menu, and sounds just as pleasant as your posh campus. But vanilla is sooooo boring, just like all the clubs in Exeter.
Falmouth – Fish and chips
Your uni is basically your childhood summer holiday: sand, sea and surfing, with fish and chips for tea. Except you live in halls and houses, not campsites.
Heriot-Watt – Five bean chilli
What even is a five bean chilli? Do five beans even exist? What is Heriot Watt?
King's College London -Peri-peri half roast chicken
Everyone at King's is so political you would probs only order the half chicken, as it makes you feel less guilty about the fact it's probably not organic. And with living in London, you can't afford the price of a whole chicken anyway.
Lancaster – Classic beef burger
People assume a classic, plain beef burger will be dreadful. People also assume Lancaster is bad because they've never heard much about it. But when you eventually research Lancaster you realise it's one of the highest in the league tables.
But, why would you pick to go to somewhere dead like Lancaster, when you could get into somewhere a lot more exciting? It's like why would you pick a plain beef burger when there are so many other good burgers on the Spoon's menu? Such as….
Leeds – The Ultimate burger
Leeds is good at everything and ticks all the boxes. Good night life? Check. Decent Russell Group uni? Check. Affordable prices? Check. Leeds is the Ultimate burger, as it's the ultimate uni.
Leeds Beckett – 14oz Rump steak
Leeds Beckett may not have the league table status of the University of Leeds, but it is definitely just as enjoyable. Most at Beckett will be found working out at the gym, or practising sport when they're not studying for their sports related degree. This leads to most of the guys looking as beefy as a 14oz rump steak.
Lincoln – Bangers and mash
Bangers and mash is as legendary as all those classic Inbetweeners comments, which is the only remotely interesting thing you can say about Lincoln. Oh and we can link the fact you can get Lincolnshire sausages, too I guess.
Liverpool – Chicken and avocado wrap
Avocado is well on trend, and the chicken and avocado wrap always looks so nicely presented, just like everyone walking around Concert Square.
LSE – Millionaire Sundae
LSE is where millionaires are made. Your Economics and Further Maths degree may feel like a drag, but it will all pay off when you're earning mega bucks. Everyday of the week you'll be making millions, not just on Sunday.
Loughborough – Quinoa salad
Loughborough undergrads can be seen on campus carrying an huge tupperware box of healthy quinoa salad, which was prepped at the start of the week alongside their protein shakes cos #gains #mealprep #healthylifestyle.
Manchester – Chicken wings
Chicken wings are so effortless and hip, just like everyone at Manchester. Wings are good – they don't try to be something that they're not – and neither do you. An oversized puffa jacket is a staple if you go to Manchester, and the puffed up arms will make you look like you have wings yourself.
Nottingham – Six beer battered onion rings
Everyone at Notts are on the sesh, but being Uni of they're a little more reserved, compared to…
Trent – 12 beer battered onion rings
Those at Trent have the same uni experience as Notts, but will sesh a lot more and have less work to do, leaving the Trent army as beer battered as their onion rings.
Oxford – Smoked salmon, cream cheese and rocket bagel
A smoked salmon bagel is the crème de la crème of the Spoon's breakfast menu, and Oxford is the crème of the unis. Unlike…
Oxford Brookes – Cream cheese bagel
Brookes is still Oxford, with the much desired Oxford lifestyle, however, it's missing something – the sophistication and prestige which is the smoked salmon.
Sheffield – Full English breakfast
A full English breakfast is always on point and rarely fails to impress, just like a night out at West Street Live followed by a Balti King.
Sheffield Hallam -Triple chicken feast
Most poly unis fall under the shadow of their Russell Group superior, but not Hallam. Hallam work hard (sort of), play hard and sesh hard – they're a triple threat, just like the triple chicken feast.
St Andrews – Eggs Royale
Kate and Wills met at St Andrews. That is all.
Sussex – Sweet potato, chickpea and spinach curry
Quite bland. Not as cool and vibrant as Brighton. But also very vegan.
Warwick -Jacket potato with cheese
You'll spend your years living in Leamington Spa which looks nice, kind of like how a jacket potato can look nice, but really it's pretty boring. It doesn't matter how much you try and convince everyone how great Pop is or how fun you all are when you circle, you'll always be known as a bland uni in the middle of no-where.
York – British beef and ale pie, with mash, gravy and mushy peas
Pie, mash and gravy screams northern, which is the epitome of York. York is also very traditional, old fashioned, so as an undergrad in York you won't get enough of the real ale in the old taverns or the numerous gravy dinners your northern flatmates will cook every week. Gravy is not just a meaty jus, it's a way of life.