How to nail a girls’ night out in Sheffield

Still one of my favourite nights out in England, Sheffield isn’t short of options when it comes to a gals’ night out, be it as classy or as trashy as you want. Being quite the seasoned veterans of a GNO out in our beloved hometown, and although it may be of the cheaper variety, the squad and I have had quite a lot of time to perfect the art of getting it just right.

Pre drinks

Preferably held at the same house that you will all be returning to, pres start when your stay-over gals arrive with a bottle of vodka, in sweatpants with no make-up on. Crowding round the mirror trying to perfect the contour/eyeshadow/lip-liner before you’ve sipped too much of your squadka and hit the ‘wavy’ stage, all the gals can catch up, gossip and send various messages to whoever’s not with you, just to double-triple-check that ‘jeans and a nice top’ is still the approved uniform as it has been for the last 100 nights out (‘but I’ve just bought a new top and now IDK if it’s toooo “nice”?’).

Background music will usually be provided by the classics such as Enrique, Justin (B or T) and RiRi, and of course there are at least five times everyone stops their conversations to sing along to Queen Bey.

By the time that there have been countless group-selfies, mirror selfies, single-selfies, duo-selfies, unintentionally ‘candid’ selfies and of course a selfie-video of the aforementioned impromptu karaoke, you’re finally ready to pile into the taxis and head into town to meet the rest of the girls.

Go to Spoons then West Street Live for another round of pres

This is where the efficiency of Sheffield gals really comes into play:

Step (1) – head to any of the Spoons, order a pitcher of Sex on the Beach (one each, straws, no glasses), and down it asap whilst chatting to the now fully assembled squad. Probably also time to take a full squad photo #squadgoalz #GNO #wavy

Step (2) – A quick stop in West Street Live, the heaven and hell of Sheffield bars (think dingy atmosphere but cheap cheap cheap!). Here you can pick from the wide and random variety of drinks, shots and Bombs, displayed on the laminated menu-wall, the highlight being the notorious Schit Bomb (who knows?). And hey, why not take another squad-selfie #wezzylive #classyaf #squadonfleek

By now, everyone should just about be drunk enough to keep themselves warm (why would you ever take a jacket on a night out anyway?) as you all run/dance/skip/speed-walk your way down to your choice of club.

Where to go out-out

• FOR GALS WHO CAN BRAVE A NIGHT IN HEELS: get your fancy ass down to Viper or Crystal, where not only you but also the prices are dressed up… Maybe not one for my jeans-and-nice-top gals.

• FOR GALS WHO LOVE INDIE TUNEZ: head to The Leadmill – it’s bit of a trek, but thanks to the aforementioned Beer Jackets, you won’t even feel the dropping of degrees. And anyway, it is worth it to spend more money taking unintentionally hilarious pics in their photobooth and dancing the night away to The Courteeners and Arctic Monkeys

• FOR THE REST OF US: there’s only one answer – off to Corp you go! With at least four rooms of varying music genres, it’s hard to visit Corp and not find a room you enjoy. Complete with its rainbow pints, a food truck in the smoking area and at least one run-in with a random acquaintance – a trip to Corp almost guarantees a good night out.

Regardless of which club you and your squad choose, there are things that will always mark your night out as a great GNO. Have you had a dmc with one of you bffs in the toilet? Have you all proceeded to have the questionable fifth tequila shot? Has everyone become professional dancers soon after downing your second Jäger Bomb? Have you pulled your hair back into a ponytail because you’re too goddamn sweaty from said dancing? Do you make your way through the club in what is essentially a conga line so that you don’t lose anyone? Have you hunted down the professional photographer and made him take numerous pictures of you because the first 5 just didn’t do your outfit justice?

If the answer to these questions is a big fat resounding YAS then congrats, you’re well on your way to completing a perfect GNO.

Get your post night out food from Aslan’s

There’s only one thing to do to make sure your night finishes on a high – it’s greasy takeout time! Here’s the DL: it’s Aslan’s or nowhere. No questions, no arguing, it might not be the best takeout but that doesn’t mean it’s not home. And there’s always the chance of getting onto their photowall. Nuff said.

The aftermath

And so, as another GNO draws to a close, the squad breaks up into the smaller sleep-over groups. You stumble into a taxi, awkwardly unlock the doors, make your way up the stairs, drunkenly tumble onto the make-shift beds and mattresses and blissfully pass out. The next thing you know it’s the next morning (afternoon anyone?) and you’re huddled round giving the night a thorough post-mortem, blurry memories being aided by Snapchat and regretful texts sent the night before. Time to plan the next GNO!