Yappers, coughing, hangovers: The eight worst things that’ll happen in a Liverpool Uni lecture

Whether you’re racing someone on the walk to uni or waiting for a delayed 699, there’s something uniquely painful about dragging yourself to a lecture at any of the Liverpool universities. Clambering down the hill to the Redmonds Building, sitting freezing in the Rendall Lecture Theatre, or getting demoted to Abercromby Square’s stinky basement may not be universal curses, but some disasters can make you question why you didn’t just stay in bed with a Tesco meal deal.

So much more can go wrong in a lecture, but here’s our compiled list of the top things that will send a shiver down your spine every time they happen. I’m thinking about changing my modules already.

The rude students

You would have thought that people that choose, pay even to go to university AND choose to go to lectures aren’t going to disrespect lecturers. Wrong. Every lecture has that one person: The one who interrupts every five minutes or gets a kick from talking over the lecturer, even after being asked politely to stop. The room collectively side-eyes, praying the chaos will end.

I thought at our big age we’d have learnt some manners x.

The lecturer who overshares like it’s a therapy session 

There’s a fine line between “relatable” and “I didn’t need to know that.” Suddenly you’re learning more about your lecturer’s divorce or their cat’s digestive issues than about the French Revolution. You came for slides and bullet points, not trauma dumping. Some things belong in staff meetings, not lecture recordings. Although sometimes learning about your lecturers struggles can….

Technical fifficulties

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Nothing tests your patience like watching a lecturer spend 15 minutes trying to get PowerPoint to work. Or on the other end, having to countless restart your laptop to try and get it to remember Eduroam. Only for when it to connect you get the “No connection!” Signal. Or worse: “The lecture will have to be cancelled.”

Why did you even bother going?

The hungover horror show

You’ve made it to your 9am (barely), clutching a union brew coffee and a Greggs sausage roll, only to realise your laptop is completely ddead. No charger, no notes, and your head is pounding louder than the printer in Sydney Jones. You sit there pretending to follow along, when in reality you’re just trying not to throw up every time the lecturer raises their voice.

The worst sort of the hangover is when your memory comes back in parts: You recognise someone in your class…from the night before…

Whether it’s coursecest committed or simply being way too friendly with them when you’ve never spoken sober, the hanxiety is at an all time high.

Group work announced on the spot

You thought you were safe, just a chill lecture, and then you hear the dreaded words: “Okay, now get into small groups.” Irregular attendance means you don’t even know anyone other you’re your three friends, who have of course skipped for a pint at the Sphinx. Within seconds, you’re paired with someone who hasn’t spoken all semester and someone who won’t let you get a word in. Bonus points if the group work counts towards your grade.

The lecture that feels like it never ends

You check the time: 20 minutes left. You check again: Still 20 minutes left. Somehow, time has stopped, your notes make no sense, and you’ve reread the same slide title three times. The lecturer says, “We’re nearly done,” and then opens another 30-slide presentation. There is no greater betrayal than an unproductive lecture when you’ve trekked all the way from the top of Smithdown.

The cougher, the sniffer, the pen clicker

Sometimes, it’s not even the content but the atmosphere. Someone’s coughing every 30 seconds, another’s sniffing like they’ve got a cold that started in 2019, and the person next to you won’t stop clicking their pen. Add in the guy watching football highlights on full brightness, and it’s sensory overload. Stimming in the Yoko Ono is not for the weak.

The moment you realise it’s not recorded

You’ve skipped a few lectures recently. It’s fine, you told yourself, they’re all on Panopto anyway. But then the lecturer casually drops: “By the way, this one isn’t being recorded.” The collective gasp that follows could power the entire campus. You’ve never typed so fast in your life. Content may be written down but has gone in one ear and out the other.

Between the tech failures, the over sharers and your own questionable life choices; sometimes surviving a Liverpool Uni lecture is harder than getting into the Raz.