Here’s what your go-to study spot at Glasgow Uni says about your festive breakdown

It’s December, the library is packed, your loan is evaporating faster than your will to live, and every flat in Glasgow is colder than an East End granny giving you side-eye on the bus. But still, you must study. And where you choose to doom-scroll your notes says a lot about what kind of festive meltdown you’re having.

The library: ‘I’m fine’ (they are not fine)

If you willingly drag yourself to the library in December, you’re in full emotional freefall but clinging to the idea that routine will save you.

You’re wearing three layers, a coffee that costs more than your weekly shop, and a facial expression that suggests you’ve not slept since Halloween.

Your festive breakdown manifests as productivity spreadsheets and crying in the silent section because someone coughed too loudly.

A random West End cafe: Seasonal delusion level 1o

You’re compensating for internal chaos by paying £4.80 for a latte and pretending this is your “cosy winter study aesthetic.”

In reality, you’ve done approximately six minutes of work and spent the rest of the time imagining you’re the main character in a Netflix Christmas movie.

Your festive meltdown is whimsical, expensive, and smells faintly of cinnamon.

Your bedroom: The denial dungeon

Your breakdown is a silent one.

You believed you’d be “more productive at home,” which is bold considering your bed is six inches away and whispering “nap…nap…”

Your study strategy is basically just moving piles of notes around like you’re conducting a séance for your grades.

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By the time the 20th hits, you’ll be doing full-blown academic panic in your pyjamas,  covered in celebrations wrappers.

The Christmas Market: The academic fugitive

You have given up entirely.

Your exam is in three days and you’re sipping overpriced mulled wine while pretending deadlines aren’t real.

Your festive breakdown is chaotic neutral: You’re stressed, but you’ve simply decided to channel it into artisanal churros and avoid responsibility until it physically tackles you.

The uni gym: A new form of avoidance

If your study spot is the gym, your stress coping mechanism is to outrun the fact you haven’t opened Moodle since Week 4.

You’re convincing yourself that “exercise boosts productivity,” but you’re mainly just using leg day to avoid referencing properly.

Your festive breakdown is aggressive and sweaty.

The train home: The academic escape room

You’ve accepted defeat early and are heading home to let your family witness the annual festive emotional implosion.

Revision on the train? Absolutely not.

You’re staring out the window, contemplating your life choices. Your festive breakdown is premature but inevitable.

The library stairs: Peak chaos

Not in the library. Not outside the library. On the stairs.

You’ve become a liminal creature.

Your festive breakdown is so advanced you’re physically unable to choose a seat, so you’ve settled somewhere that isn’t even meant for sitting.

Classic.

No matter where you’re trying (and failing) to study this December, one truth remains:

Your festive breakdown is valid, inevitable, and deeply entertaining to observe.

Happy studying — or, you know, pretending to xx