He’s just not that into you: A Bristol student’s guide to dating

The anticlimax of dating in your early twenties is littered with confusion, trials and tribulations. Especially if you’re a Bristol student, struggling to separate the performative male from the genuine nice guy. Fear not girls, your Prince Charming is definitely out there, just maybe not in Bristol. But if your future husband isn’t wearing a backwards cap to your seminar, that’s probably for the best anyway.

Ultimately, our advice to you is if he’s playing it too cool, he just isn’t that into you, but that’s not your fault. Maybe he genuinely is too busy taking pictures in Stokes Croft for his next Instagram dump, just don’t wait around for him to be done (there’s a whole lot of Banksy to photograph).

My advice? Drop that dead weight, turn off your phone, spread your wings and write an article about him. Petty gets you places, just ask Lily Allen.

So, if, like many of us, you’ve been struggling to find your Mr Right, this one is for you.

Spending just ‘isn’t his love language’

If he can buy you a Jägerbomb at OMG, but won’t spring for a drink at Document, the chances are he’s just NOT that into you. Unless, of course, he’s still waiting for SFE to come in (like the rest of us).

The Brass Pig posse

If you routinely find your boo in the smoking area with an entourage of girls, he’s probably just not that into you. Even if they’re “just friends,” there’s a reason you were not invited to the conversation. Bonus points if there are new girls every time.

Wednesday night warrior

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If your man ghosts you in Daisy’s, but messages you at 4am, the chances are, you guessed it, he’s just not that into you. You know as well as I do, if you’re on delivered all day, but called after a social night, this man is not your man. All signs point to him being bored once the sea of hockey girls dissolves, and NOT him being into you!

After the afters

Do you find yourself waiting for an afters (which you weren’t invited) to end? If he’s chasing the night with his friends, and you’re just the location to sleep it off, it sounds a lot to me like he fancies his friends more than you. Bin that man and get an early night, the early bird can’t catch the worm if it’s never been to bed.

‘It’s complicated…’

If you’re being told a relationship is too complicated but he can handle the messier form of a situationship, you already know he’s just not that into you. If he can handle his degree, alongside his roster, your man doesn’t struggle with complexity, he just doesn’t want to commit. The cliché of “if he wanted to, he would” might be applicable to you.

The Hinge player

If your prince is on Hinge (but just for fun right?), he’s not into you. If he’s searching for something new, the chances are you aren’t his princess. But fear not, set yourself up a profile. We know the roses will come flying in, show up on his standouts, and ghost that man.

The disappearing act

Home for reading week, and his snap maps have disappeared? Chances are, your fella’s got a girl back home, and therefore, is just not that into you. Either that or he’s joined the communist society but still lives in a Chelsea townhouse.