Right, who are Patchwork and why are they on the Pyramid Stage in Glastonbury festival 2025?

The full Glastonbury 2025 set times are out. It’s finally time to obsess over clashes, hunt down secret sets, and pretend we’re not just going to stand in the same field all weekend. But there’s one thing confusing everyone right now: Who on earth are Patchwork?

They’re not tucked away on some niche micro-stage either. Patchwork is playing at 6:15 pm on Saturday on the actual Pyramid Stage in the Glastonbury Festival 2025. It’s right between John Fogerty and RAYE, just before Neil Young headlines. A prime-time slot for a band nobody seems to know.

So, who exactly are Patchwork?

via Glastonbury Festival

Good question. There are a couple of obscure bands called Patchwork out there. One’s a folk-rock group from Canada, and another’s a hardcore outfit from Tennessee. But obviously, Glastonbury didn’t book a genre-bending jam band from British Columbia to warm up for RAYE and Neil Young.

The fact that Glastonbury isn’t saying anything at all has made people even more convinced it’s a fake name, hiding a much bigger artist. It wouldn’t be the first time. Back in 2023, a mystery band called The ChurnUps turned out to be Foo Fighters. Absolute scenes.

So yeah, this is almost definitely a front. The only question is: For who?

The internet theories are out of control

It’s finally here – TBA?
byu/millstret inglastonbury_festival

People are guessing everything from Matty Healy solo to Dua Lipa in disguise. Some say it could be Blur pulling a surprise comeback, or Florence turning up unannounced for another spiritual moment in the sunset slot.

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One theory doing the rounds is that it’s a supergroup made up of artists already playing — think RAYE + Four Tet + literally anyone who fancies it. Another theory is that it’s no one famous at all, and we’re just all losing it together. Which honestly, fair.

But the most convincing guesses? Probably The 1975, back under a pseudonym. Or maybe even a secret Arctic Monkeys slot.

And they’re not the only mystery this year

Patchwork isn’t the only suspicious name on the Glastonbury Festival lineup. There are a few blank or cryptic slots that have everyone squinting.

There’s a mysterious TBA on Friday afternoon on the Pyramid, another on the Park Stage Saturday night, and a glitchy-looking name on the Tree Stage, which people reckon is Four Tet hiding behind some silly glyphs.

So, what now?

We wait, we speculate, and we argue with strangers on Twitter about whether Dua’s tour bus has been spotted on the A303.

But one thing’s clear: Patchwork is not random. You don’t land that slot unless you’re a big deal or part of some serious Glasto stunt.

It could be iconic, it could be chaos. Or… it could be both.

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