Ranking all of Joe Goldberg’s love interests after YOU season five

After five seasons of chaos, charm, and questionable moral choices, Netflix’s YOU finally slammed the book shut on Joe Goldberg. He loved, he lost, he… well, mostly he murdered.
But through all the bloodshed, Joe did actually date (and ruin) quite a few women along the way. Some almost made him a better man. Others just tried to survive him. So, as my final farewell to TV’s most bookish serial killer, here’s a definitive ranking of every love interest of Joe Goldberg in YOU based on how compatible they actually were. (Spoilers ahead)

9. Karen Minty

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Karen was nice. She was normal. She deserved so much better than Joe muttering insults about her in his head while plotting murders. He compared her to oatmeal, and honestly? That tells you everything you need to know.

8. Marienne Bellamy

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Marienne was a breath of fresh air in theory: Talented, smart, fiercely independent. In practice? She felt more like a plot device than a partner. She spent most of her time escaping Joe rather than actually connecting with him. Marienne deserved the world—and a storyline that wasn’t built entirely around Joe’s fantasies.

7. Natalie Engler

via Netflix

Joe wanted Natalie because she represented the mystery and glamour missing from his white-picket-fence life. But honestly, Natalie could’ve been any slightly unavailable woman with nice hair and a well-stocked wine fridge. She wasn’t a real connection—she was just another shiny distraction Joe wanted to “save” and possess.

6. Kate Lockwood

via Netflix

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Kate was sharp, guarded, and actually saw through Joe’s nonsense better than most. But trauma-bonding isn’t love, no matter how many castles or art auctions you throw into the mix. Their marriage was built on survival, not soulmates. Kate, you deserved a yacht without a side of murder, bestie.

5. Candace Stone

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Candace didn’t just date Joe—she was the origin story of the monster we spent five seasons fearing. Their toxic, terrifying relationship set the stage for every doomed romance after. Candace was the first (and only!) woman to genuinely scare Joe—not because she was dangerous, but because she knew exactly who he was under all the “good guy” speeches.

4. Delilah Alves

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Delilah and Joe had the makings of something real; adult, honest, even a bit hopeful. In another universe (you know, one where Joe wasn’t a literal serial killer), they could’ve been a messy but functional New York love story. Instead, Joe’s darkness swallowed it whole before they even had a proper chance.

3. Guinevere Beck

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Ah, Beck. Joe’s first great obsession, and our first lesson that YOU wasn’t just another quirky romance series. Their relationship felt real, until it didn’t. Yes, Beck cheated, but Joe stalked, lied, and, you know, murdered people. Still, their connection was painfully raw… right up until the pee jar incident. Never forget.

2. Bronte (Louise Flannery)

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Bronte had so much potential. But Stockholm Syndrome? Betraying both Joe and her friends? Switching sides more often than a dodgy football ref? It was exhausting. Still, it’s hard to blame her for falling under Joe’s very practiced spell. Bronte was a mirror: Confused, hurt, human, and tragically, a little too trusting.

1. Love Quinn

via Netflix

Love was chaos. Love was fire. Love was perfect for Joe, until she fought back. She didn’t need him to save her; she was perfectly capable of wielding her own knife. Instead of embracing his match, Joe ran scared. After Love, the show lost some of its magic—and honestly? So did Joe. No one else matched him (or matched his body count) quite like she did.

via Netflix

Joe Goldberg might’ve believed he was always looking for “The One,” but let’s be real: He wasn’t searching for love. He was searching for control. And when he found women strong enough to survive without him? He either destroyed them—or ran.

Goodbye Joe. May you stay fictional… forever.

Season five of YOU is available on Netflix now. For all the latest Netflix news, drops, quizzes and memes like The Holy Church of Netflix on Facebook.

Featured image credit: Netflix