Lesbihonest: My experience being an openly lesbian woman at Durham University

A brief discussion of my experience as a sapphic woman at Durham University

2 months ago | UPDATED 4 weeks ago

I’ll be honest and say that I hesitated when writing this article. Aside from generally fearing being very vulnerable online, I did ask myself whether it was actually going to be relevant to anyone else – whether it should be mentionable. The argument is often made that being LGBT is a highly personal state of being, something that really isn’t anyone else’s business. Often, same-sex-attracted people will be told “I don’t care what other people do in their bedrooms” as a triumphant mark of allyship.

I appreciate the sentiment and honestly hope that my sexuality is one of the least interesting things about me. But this part of my identity, and so many others’, is not localised in this way. I am a lesbian all the time: Holding hands with a woman in Market Square, going to Monday night Ozzy’s, or even in the way I approach the literature on my course. It’s not something you leave at the foot of your bed or keep on a shelf.

Snakes and lesbians

This has been a challenge in some of my friendships at Durham. I have met a few people who seem to forget that being LGBT is not a political position for them to volley ideas against; I had a couple of friends in first year who claimed to respect my identity, but who, it transpired, would, in the same breath, condone extremely homophobic views. It was quite difficult to end those friendships, but I certainly do not regret it. I could not ask for better friends than the ones I have now.

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Of course, there were also a few men who thought it was the peak of comedy to tell me were waiting for when I “gave up on the lesbian thing”. Yes, this was what Aristotle was talking about. Word to the wise, no one is changing their sexuality (at all, but no less) for a seedy rat-boy.

The university

The university itself, in my experience at least, has been great. Of course, I can only speak for my course, which is English literature, but my lecturers often refuse to overlook writers’ sexualities and relationships – and I have a number of lectures this year dedicated to these topics in particular. There are also, of course, a whole host of LGBT societies, which, from my admittedly limited experience with them, seem to be well-run, inclusive, and free spaces to talk about LGBT topics.

Everyone’s experience with university staff and with the university’s stances will be different, but for me, I have always felt comfortable at Durham University as a lesbian woman.

On dating

While it’s probably best for everyone’s sake to avoid the topic of my bleak, fraught, and slightly catastrophic love life, it is worth saying that I have personally never felt uncomfortable walking around the city centre with a partner, going to college events with a partner, or introducing my Durham friends to a partner. The city feels much safer than others I have visited when with a girlfriend, and I’ve always felt Durham is my home even when visibly expressing my identity in public.

Monday Ozzy’s

If you’re interested in finding other LGBT people but don’t necessarily feel like you want to join any of the societies, I can absolutely recommend Osbournes on a Monday. It’s great. The club is conveniently located, the drinks are cheap, and it just feels like a really non-judgemental place. The music also never fails. It’s full of people who are just there to hang out with their friends and dance, which often doesn’t feel like the case elsewhere. And it’s also honestly the only club night where I actually know the songs…Plus, the DJ is always one of two hilarious and iconic drag queens.

A note

So, there it is; a slightly messy sum-up of being a lesbian woman at Durham University. I would like to reiterate that this is by no means an attempt to sum up other people’s experiences, and is instead an upfront reflection of my experiences over the past year.