46 signs that you are Hyde Park’s worst housemate

Inevitably, your time in Leeds will be shaped by the people you choose (or in some cases, do not choose) to live with.  The chances are that whilst you might love your housemates and consider them friends for life, there will equally be moments when you are tempted to push them into oncoming traffic on Headingley Lane or wish that their entire life is as painful as the RPP queue on a Tuesday. And, should you not feel this way, then perhaps you are that housemate. Here are 45 signs that you are Hyde Park’s worst housemate:

1. You never do your washing up

2. You leave your mouldy food in the fridge

3. You have obnoxiously loud sex

4. You leave your cigarette butts on the floor

5. Or worse, you ash on the kitchen floor when there’s an ashtray in reach

6. You steal other people’s bread/milk/anything you can get your hands on

7. You are always in the grumpiest mood

8. You take being the ‘house mum/dad’ way too far

9. You are religious about people following the clean up chart

10. You don’t follow the clean up chart

11. You leave passive aggressive messages about cleaning up (on the group chat  or in Post-it note form)

12. You play loud music at unholy hours

13. You spit on the floor (This is a true story)

14. You pee in the sink

15. You cut raw chicken on the counters and don’t clean it up

16. You forget to flush the toilet

17. You never buy toilet paper

18. And then have the audacity to leave poo on it

19. You always forget your house keys

20. You judge people for leaving/for not leaving the house

21. You talk the entire way through Love Island

22. In fact, you talk the entire way through any TV programme or film

23. And then, you ask what’s going on

24. You borrow things without asking and return them filthy

25. You leave your hair in the drain

26. You leave your pubes in the bathtub

27. You get poo in the bathtub

28. Your partner is at the house so often that they should pay rent

29.You hog the bathroom

30. You never pay for the Uber home (especially after Beaverworks)

31. You want to do everything together

32. You leave all the lights on

33. You practice your electric guitar at 2am

34. You buy a fish (or any pet) and put it in the living room without asking your housemates

35. You host pres at your house without asking and without ever cleaning up

36.You eavesdrop on private conversations

37. You sing in the shower

38.You never take out the rubbish

39. You have half the cutlery drawer in your bedroom

40. You refuse to have the heating on. In Leeds. In Winter.

41. You have the heating on 24/7 for the sake of it

42. You sh*g in the living room

43. You use other people’s toiletries

44. You leave half of your supper in the kitchen sink

45. You leave your washing in the washing machine for far too long

46. And the worst one of all, you sleep with your housemate’s partner.

The truth is living with someone else is never going to be a breeze, but it’s all a part of the Leeds experience.

Related stories recommended by this writer:

• ‘Call it safety or call it startling’: Things you’ll only know if you live in Hyde Park

• Nine items you wish you brought to Leeds